Race to the Bottom: Who fares worse, Disney or Nickelodeon kids?

Given recent events, we've begun to wonder how well Disney and Nickelodeon are raising their child stars. Sure, both networks have produced some healthy, enduring celebrities , but we're more concerned about whose kids have fared the worse. Using a highly reliable scientific formula that considers career, tabloid fodder and, ahem, editorial opinion, we've attempted to settle the age-old argument of who makes the most successful, well-adjusted stars... Disney or Nickelodeon.

--Zap2it Staff