'90210': Dixon, you're NOT a father

loriloughlin_90210_290.jpgTonight on "90210," Debbie totally busts Sasha on her fake pregnancy. Debbie Wilson is my hero.

Navid, The Blaze & Adrianna
Navid wants to do a piece about the abuse of prescription drugs in high school. Gia pipes up that Jasper is one of the biggest dealers around. Later that night, Adrianna serenades Navid begging for forgiveness. I like Jessica Lowndes' voice, but that is a little weird and creepy, Ade.

Navid says it's way too late after the way she treated him. I'm glad Navid has a spine, I thought he might crumble under the weight of sad crying girl playing the guitar. Ade is so devastated by being rejected she stays home from school. Naomi and Silver suggest she go to a meeting but she won't. They appeal to Navid to ask Ade to go to AA and he agrees.

Needy Ade asks if Navid will go with her and he says no. She starts sobbing and he leaves. Um, seriously. She screwed it up and you don't have to save her, Navid. He heads to the Hollywood party, where Teddy apologizes to him and Navid is cool about it but not overly friendly, which is fair. Liam and Lilo's ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson encourage him to talk to some girls there, so he does.

Sasha & Dixon
Sasha is getting her crazy juice all over Dixon, trying to be all domestic and avoid talking about what they're doing. When Dixon hints around at an abortion, Sasha balks and says she's keeping it. That night, Sasha sends Dixon a string of "Fatal Attraction" text messages and he finally just blurts out to his parents that he got a girl pregnant.

They are furious not only that he got a girl pregnant, but that it's actually an adult woman. Dixon throws back that Harry had a kid as a teenager too, which does not make it okay. Sasha texts that she's having cramps but when Debbie brings Dixon over Sasha says the cramps are gone and doesn't want Debbie to call her doctor. Sasha then says she's a month along but then says she saw the baby on the sonogram. Okay, we all know that Sasha is lying, right? Everybody was on that train last week, yes?

Thank god Debbie has a brain in her head because she knows something is up, but Dumbass Harry tries to shut her down. Listen to your wife, Want-to-cheat-with-Kelly. Debbie "runs into" Sasha at a restaurant and reminds her that they met at the nail salon. Sasha admits that she followed her that day because she thought Debbie was Dixon's other woman and that was when she found out how old Dixon was. Debbie then traps Sasha in a talk about her doctor and the sonogram and tells her to stay away from Dixon. That was AWESOME! Debbie Wilson for president!

Predictably, Sasha calls Dixon and says she had a miscarriage. He's relieved and guilty and sad, poor Dixon. Debbie doesn't tell Dixon about Sasha's lies. Harry can't believe she would lie like that, but she says that he has to trust her. He looks thoughtful.

Ryan, Jen & Ramona
Ramona? The only Ramona I've ever known is "Quimby." That borders on child abuse. Anyway, Ramona is the bartender from last episode's drinking shenanigans with Harry. Jen tries to play it cool but is clearly bothered. We know this because Jen shows up at Ramona's bar and orders a pretentious wine and pretends to forget Ramona's name and tells her she's old looking and a charity case for Ryan. Punch her. Punch her right in her smug fake-British-like-accent-having mouth.

Ryan confronts Jen about it and calls her on being jealous. He says he won't be exclusive unless Jen is exclusive, which she agrees to. Ugh. I hope she gets hit by a bus. At the Hollywood party, Jen introduces him to people as her "boyfriend." Aw. Gag. Ryan spots Liam and introduces him to Jen because he's one of Ryan's favorite students. When Liam hears that Jen is Ryan's girlfriend, he looks sick and bolts. But later he confronts Jen about how she's scared of him because of what he could tell Ryan about her. BUSTED.

Of course, Jen runs to Ryan spinning a story of how he came on to her at the party and that Liam doesn't deserve Ryan's concern. I HATE HER SO MUCH... it... flames... FLAMES... on the side of my face... heaving breaths...

Ivy & Liam
More flirty-flirty stuff, though Ivy is dismayed to hear that Liam calls her "not really a girl." Don't worry, sweetheart. You're becoming his friend and you have the advantage of not being fat and/or ugly. He'll sleep with you soon enough.

Mr. Mathews informs Liam he got an honorable mention in a city-wide essay contest and Liam tries to act all cool but you can tell he's pleased. That night, Ivy and Teddy kidnap Liam off to a Hollywood party DJ'd by Lilo's ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson.

Liam leaves after Ryan tells him what Jen said and Ivy follows him home to see how he's doing. She wants to know what's under his tarp (YEAH she does) but Liam waves her off. He teases her about her dress, she says she's not a dude all the time, he says he knows and then they start making out. WOO WOO.

Teddy & Silver
At the Hollywood party, Teddy talks to Silver. When she asks not to talk Cancer, he jokes about his new hair product and asks her to touch his hair. Of course, Ade sees this as she is just arriving, also sees Navid talking to some cute girls, and runs off.

Annie & Jasper
They're all caught up with Annie being Jasper's muse. When Navid tells Annie that Jasper's a drug dealer, she says he's totally lying and not to worry about her so much. Later, Jasper takes her for hot dogs and gets a wad of cash out of his pocket. Annie asks him about it in the MOST subtle way she possibly could. Jasper gets mad at her and storms off.

Annie tracks him down at the Hollywood sign where he's filming the sunset and apologizes. She cries and he hugs her and man, I wish this wasn't going to go so ridiculously badly for Annie because I actually like them together. Of course, after they make up we see Jasper get some pills for someone out of his trunk. Who is that someone? ADRIANNA. NOOOOOO!

Thoughts & Tidbits
  • Man, Rumer Willis sounds A LOT like her mom, which is awesome.

  • I don't love that they're retreading Ade's drug storyline, but I do know that an addict slipping when things get rough is realistic, so I'll let it go. For now.

  • Debbie: I'll give you a hint. It starts with "You're not pregnant" and it ends with "Stay away from my son."

  • Silver: Teddy, can we talk about something not cancer-related?
  • Teddy: Sure. I'm using a new hair product in my locks. What do you think? Leaves my hair manageable, yet touchably soft.

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