'90210': That witch we destroy
Previously on 90210, I Moan went to war on Annie, Kelly came back just in time for Ryan to hit the road with his hussy, and Tracy and Harry's son Sean showed up.
We jump right in with Sean telling the Wilsons (and I Moan lurking in the background) about his decision to serve his country and how in some ways, being overseas in war was more stable than his upbringing in South Carolina. Well, that'll endure you to the parents who abandoned you. Guilt. He says he's shipping out in a few weeks and might not have another chance to meet his birth parents so when the PI showed up looking for him he decided to come Do I smell a killed-in-the-line February sweeps plot? Tracy comes bursting in calling him "her son" and telling him to call her "mom" and it's REALLY gross. Credits.
Post credits, it appears Sean has left with I Moan and Tracy. Harry is being very hesitant to make any decisions, treading very lightly around his kids. Grandma is distressed because she wants to be 54 and asks Dixon how old she was when she had Harry if he has a 25 year old son from when he was 18. Dixon tells her 11 and Grandma says that's a bit unseemly. Snerk. This grandma goes to 11.
School. I Moan gets approached by Ozzie the Hottie and is cold to him once again. She is also wearing a FUGLY fuschia slutty Victorian top thing. Yikes. Kelly hauls Annie and I Moan into her office to talk about the new brother thing, hoping they could grow closer because of it. I Moan calls Annie a "whore" and Kelly tells them not to waste their lives fighting over guys because girlfriends are more important. Oooh, the foreshadowing of Kelly fighting with Brenda over Ryan is palpable.
Lunch. Annie, Ethan, Adrianna, Dixon and Silver sit together, but Annie trashes on I Moan's boots and lack of a place to sit and Adrianna and Ethan look uncomfortable. I Moan plops down with some seniors, who snot that they don't sit with sophomores and then ask her to get them "blendeds" and program their sidekicks. She's like Veronica and they're the Heathers! Also, what the hell is a blended? I mean, I understand that it involves a blender but who calls it a "blended?" That's dumb.
Lacrosse practice. Harry and Sean try to bond and Harry apologizes for not being there for him. Dixon makes a smooth move on the field, which his father misses because he's bonding with Sean. There is also an African-American cheerleader who shouts out to Dixon. I only mention her race because I've watched TV before in my lifetime and I think it'll come up later.
After school, I Moan hangs with the seniors some more, presenting the Head Senior with her programmed sidekick. They ask I Moan if they can get in at Ozzie Cardozo's family's restaurant. Annie shoots daggers at I Moan from nearby and finally snaps, stalking over and trying to yell at I Moan, but I Moan just dismisses her and Ethan walks up. As I Moan leaves, she gets off a great "Enjoy my sloppy seconds." Ethan wants to know what has come over Annie lately.
I have to say, I don't buy Shanae Grimes being all furious and scary at all. She's like a yippie dog that isn't scary in the slightest and that you just want to kick. She keeps making the following line run through my head, "He is VIGO! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!" I Moan could crush her like a bug.
I Moan tracks Ozzie down and apologizes and he immediately knows she needs something. He gives her the reservation at his restaurant and then leaves. Across town, Kelly goes to see Brenda's show and wonders why she hasn't returned any of her phone calls. Brenda balks at the idea of having lunch but Kelly kind-of railroads her into it.
Wilson House. Grandma and Debbie chat about Harry's dinner with Sean and Tracy, which Debbie is not attending. Grandma spins a yarn about her lover Jean-Luc, who had an annoying chihuahua that Jean-Luc loved. The point of the story is that Jean-Luc chose the dog and Grandma realized that what was important to Jean-Luc should've been important to her, so Debbie needs to get her butt to that dinner and support Harry.
Cardozo restaurant. Ozzie has purposely not gotten a table for I Moan, so he makes her grovel and then says that she owes him one as he gets her a table for her and the Moanettes.
Meanwhile, at the Lacrosse banquet, Harry gives a rousing speech but Dixon looks less than enthused. His cheerleader friend talks to him, calling him their very own "Jackie Robinson" because he's the first "brother" to play varsity lacrosse at West Beverly. See, I told you the race thing would come up. Sean shows up for dinner and Harry takes off, as Dixon looks sad.
Sean's dinner. Tracy is going crazy with wanting to drag Sean all over Beverly Hills, but Harry invites him to the lacrosse game and Sean gets excited. Tracy disparages the high school sporting event, which spurs Debbie to invite Sean to stay with them and Sean jumps at the chance. Tracy looks sour.
Silver and Annie plan outfits for the lacrosse game. Annie puts on a short skirt and Silver says that on the bleachers, Annie will need two hairdos for that outfit. Snerk. Nice joke at 8/7 central, show! Annie then wonders that she's changed into a complete bitch because of the I Moan and says she needs to get back to being nice and not caring about clothes and stuff.
Lacrosse game. Dixon again feels neglected when Harry invites Sean to hang out on the sidelines. Is Harry completely retarded? A blind man would notice Dixon and his giant hurt feelings. Lunch with Brenda and Kelly. Brenda is cold and distant, saying they don't have anything in common anymore. Brenda doesn't want to fight over boys anymore and says their history isn't a good enough reason to keep being friends.
I really enjoy the Christina Aguilara commercial for target where she's all comic book-y. That's all.
I Moan is also at the lacrosse game in a cropped, cut-up t-shirt and Ozzie demands his favor back in the form of a kiss, which of course turns all sexy. He then says that was nice but he wants I Moan to kiss Walter the Wildcat, the West Beverly Mascot. I Moan lays one on Walter, who is revealed to be Annie! Aww, back to her corn-fed, Furrie-costume wearing ways! In the stands, Kelly gets an urgent phone call (Brenda?) and rushes off.
During the game, Dixon is showboating because he needs attention and his new cheerleader lady looks concerned. When Harry takes Dixon out because he won't pass the ball, Dixon says, "Screw you, man" and stalks off. Harry follows him into the locker room to ream his ass. Dixon says he's been too busy being Sean's dad lately to even notice him, saying it's been a 24/7 Sean-fest since he got here. Harry apologizes and says that he got blindsided by Sean showing up. He tells Dixon that he's his son, that genetics don't matter. Dixon says if that stuff DOES matter then why has he been fawning all over Sean. If genes don't matter, Sean is just a stranger. Dixon wants to find his real father so he can feel that connection that Harry feels with Sean.
End of the game, tied 12-12. Dixon scores a last minute goal to become the SoCal Regional Lacrosse Champions. Woo and hoo. Dixon gets a hug from his cheerleader and Silver wonders who that is, as the cheerleader looks on lecherously. Seriously, did you see that look she gave Silver? That was a boil-your-bunny look.
Annie apologizes to Ethan for how she's been acting, saying she's not mean or bitchy or slick or cool, and that her inside the mascot costume is the real her. They smooch. I Moan bonds with her Moanettes. Speaking of bonding, Sean apologizes to Dixon for just dropping by. Sean says that his adopted father just passed away, but he was a crappy father to begin with. He tells Dixon he's lucky to have Harry and Dixon invites him to come out to celebrate with the team. Awww.
Hospital. Brenda has her arm in a sling because she fell off a stage during a blackout because she uttered "Macbeth." Lame. But Kelly says they're friends and that's why she came. Brenda then confesses that she slept with Ryan the night of the fashion show. Kelly just turns and leaves.
Back at the Wilson's, there is a big-happy-family-and-hugs-and-folk-music-montage as Sean settles in at their house. Harry and Debbie smooch. More Harry, Debbie and Grandma. Seriously.
Off in the shadows, Sean calls someone and says, "It's all good. I'm making myself right at home." NICE! I was hoping this wouldn't be anything TOO perfect. I demand that he try to sleep with Annie at some point. Also, the previews seem to indicate that we don't get a new 90210 until January 6th. I think that is a HUGE mistake. The show JUST started getting good! Not a good time to take a two-month hiatus.