Alec Baldwin to Charlie Sheen: 'Beg for your job back'
Writing for The Huffington Post, Baldwin says that when it comes to dealing with studio and network executives, "You can't win. Really. You can't.
"When executives at studios and networks move up to the highest ranks, they are given a book. The book is called 'How to Handle Actors.' And one principle held dear in that book is that no actor is greater than the show itself when the show is a hit," Baldwin writes. "And, in that regard, they are often right. Add to that the fact that the actor who is torturing their diseased egos is a drug-addled, porn star-squiring, near-Joycean Internet ranter, and they really want you to go."
If Sheen really wants to work on "Two and a Half Men" again -- which seems debatable at this point -- Baldwin thinks he needs to: "Call Chuck [Lorre]. Go on Letterman and make an apology. Write a huge check to the B'Nai Brith. And then beg for your job back. Your fans demand it. You will never win because when you are as big a douchebag as some of these guys are, they have no choice but to snuff you."
That's all well and good (as is Baldwin's occasionally venomous explanation for why he didn't keep playing Jack Ryan after "The Hunt for Red October"). But we have to wonder if A) Sheen actually wants his job back at this point and B) whether the plan Baldwin describes is necessary.
Because, well, tickets for a pair of live appearances Sheen is doing in Detroit and Chicago sold out in minutes Saturday. And he's getting paid to tweet. And if he's saved even a little bit of his exorbitant "Men" salary, Sheen doesn't really need to go back to work anytime soon. So while it'd be nice just to have this be over, it's not going to be for a while.