'American Idol' recap: But He Breaks Just Like a Little Consumptive

paul-mcdonald-american-idol-320.jpgWe do another dramatic run through all the amazing things that we're meant to understand happened last night, and as usual it's probably going to be the high point of the night. Whoever puts these things together at the beginning, they don't get paid enough. I mean, probably they get paid enough. But that shouldn't stop us wishing them well.

Ryan: "An amazing number of votes that don't mean anything happened!"
ibid., in a rare moment of gnosis: "...But that doesn't lessen the pain of elimination."

ibid., words fitting awkwardly in his mouth: "We have a sick performance from Rihanna tonight!"

THE TWO PEOPLE LEAST LIKELY IN THE WORLD TO UNDERSTAND WHY THE NAME "LADY ANTEBELLUM" IS A HUGE F****** PROBLEM GET TOGETHER AND SING A LADY ANTEBELLUM SONG

I like the music of the band okay, as far as I know, but I don't particularly care for the lead singer -- she seems like a weirdo -- and especially not the name. They are the Cougar Town of contemporary crossover country. But any song as self-hating and simultaneously booty-calling as "Need You Now" shows a bit more insight, or else I just identify with it more, than most. Mostly I just wish they could do a performance without her dressing up like a clockwork ballet creature or a Bigfoot or whatever. An a-hole.