'American Idol' recap: Wizard People, Dear Reader

american-idol-top-12-results.jpgThe kids all talk about what they wanted to grow up to be as kids, so like five minutes ago, and this is this: Paul wanted to be a comedian, so good work there; Karen wanted to be Selena. Durbin wanted to be a graphing calculator, Taylor Hicks wanted to be a seismograph, Jennifer Lopez wanted to be a subway conductor, Ryan Seacrest wanted to be a thundercloud. Steven Tyler wanted to be relevant.

They sing "Born To Be Wild," you know that is a song I love, and then they swing over into singing "Born This Way," and it's a mashup which is very Red Bull in nature, like that time all of Glee got hooked on pills. Or that time Stefano sang a song.

Is there a phrase more hateful than "Lee DeWyze and the Black Eyed Peas"? In the English language is there a less cellar-door phrase than that? Because that is what is happening. I'm so distraught I can't even get excited about the Fox Ford Focus Music Video. Just pulverized by this latest thing.