'American Idol' Top 9 results live: Rihanna scares us a little

michael-lynche-beatles-idol.jpg Zap2it's weekly "Dispatches from Inside the 'Idol' Dome" brings fanatics like you (and us) closer to all the action. What didn't viewers see on the TV broadcast? We got it covered.

We don't know if it came across on TV but when Michael Lynche was saved, the crowd went nuts. Absolutely bananas. Even our cold, black heart was moved and we may or may not have teared up just a teeny, tiny bit.

What else happened off-camera?

So that's what a Legion-of-Doom-Catwoman rock concert on a spaceship would look like...

  • Rihanna scares us a little. She's like a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky dude.
  • The only part of the song we could hear over all the drums, guitar and grinders making sparks was the "oooh baby, I'm a rock star." We're pretty sure there are no other lyrics to that song.
  • We love how one Rihanna guitarist is a rippling muscles, tattoo-having, long haired rocker and the other one is Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory."
  • The lyrics "check my panties and my bra" got changed to "check my uh and my uh" and on the broadcast they only showed Rihanna from the shoulders up. In the studio, she had some corresponding hand gestures for those "uh" lyrics. Rihanna on "American Idol" is a modern-day Elvis on "Ed Sullivan" we guess.

Little thin on the celebs tonight...

  • Lacey Brown was back and she even sat through the Rihanna pre-tape. Two little boys had her sign their t-shirts. We'll come back to them.
  • That guy from "The Blind Side" was there. We call him "that guy" because Cory the Host was going to give something away to a mosh pit member who could remember his name ... and no one could. We found that to be kinda mean to Quinton Aaron.

Non pre-taped performers

  • Jason Derulo booked it over to the Idols after he was done to say hello, so the judges had to wait their turns. We found that hilarious.
  • David Archuleta is still pocket-sized and hasn't aged a day since "Idol." Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest are considering inviting him to their Neverland where you never grow old.

The unwashed masses...

  • Best sign of the night: "Simon says blah blah blah."
  • Scariest sign: "Cougars for Casey." Not that this is anything new, but these particular cougars had on very tight black clothing, hooker boots and their hair looked as though their colorist is either A) blind or B) a fan of skunks. Do they not realize that Casey has a mother out there who is totally grossed out by them?
  • We're not sure the TV broadcast can convey the Big Mike pandemonium. The chants of "save him" were thunderous and when Simon announced he was safe, the place erupted. It was a really lovely moment.

Speaking of Big Mike...


  • The two little boys who had Lacey sign their shirts? One of them is Max. He is 7 years old and loves Big Mike. So during the last commercial break, Max got to come up onstage and hug Mike. Mike then grabbed him by ONE ANKLE and flipped him upside down while Max giggled his butt off. So cute. The best part was that afterwards, Mike pantomined like he was gonna try it on Andrew Garcia and Andrew actually looked a little scared for a second.
  • When they announced Mike was going home, Tim Urban looked like he was going to burst into tears and we are not even kidding. Poor Tim Urban.
  • After the cameras cut away at the end of the of the show, Kara and Randy ran to hug Big Mike, Kara even getting picked right up off her feet. You could tell they were super-pumped that Ellen and Simon voted to keep Mike.

Next week: Adam Lambert mentors with a "very special theme." We wonder what it is?! Do you like Adam as a mentor? Vote now!

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Photo credit: FOX