'America's Next Top Model': "I Could Kick The $^&* Out of These Girls Anytime"

Stacyann_topmodel10_240 Last week on 'America's Next Top Model', it was a stupid clip show and fashionistas across the country threw half-drunk low-carb cosmos at their televisions in disgust. No? Just me? Liars.

In their loft, the girls are reeling from Claire's unexpected ouster, and Lauren is reeling from the fact that people still think she has model potential. Dominique anticipates going overseas soon in the competition, which reminds Fatima that she's not a US citizen and doesn't have the paperwork necessary to travel abroad. Whoops! Anya is sympathetic - I think - it's so hard to tell with her. Paulina walks in on the girls at the dinner table to provide them with a lesson in personal packaging and conversation. They work on interview skills and small talk, and wow, are these girls more attractive when they're not talking.

Lauren_topmodel10_240 The girls decide to make potato pancakes, and Lauren slices her finger badly, through the nail. A producer appears as if from nowhere to take her to the hospital, as another producer calls Fatima to tell her that her lawyer is having trouble pushing her travel documents through. Lauren returns from the hospital with stitches. The next morning a box appears bearing an invite to a "green carpet event" sponsored by 7-Up. A woman appears from fashion house J Godfrey with clothing for each girl and a hair and makeup team. The girls look so gorgeous, and these dresses are amazing, and I'm insanely jealous. On the green carpet, Anya kind of makes sense while being interviewed by "The Insider!" She's a ringer! Dominique doesn't know the name of the designer who dressed her, even though it's being said every 12 seconds. JGodfreyJGodfreyJGodfrey. Lauren says that she should be America's next top model because she could "kick the #*!% out of these girls any time." Ohhhhhhhkay. The girls circulate throughout the party and attempt to make a good impression on the partygoers, who include the Jays, Nigel, J Godfrey, Ann Shoket, and J Godfrey himself. Lara Spencer from "The Insider" and J Godfrey give the girls advice based on their interview and party decorum. Anya acquitted herself beautifully, which...I don't even know how to react to that. Dominique is an idiot. Lauren needs to stop swearing, and Stacy-Ann seemed distant. Anya wins the challenge and thus a photo shoot for 7-Up. Naked! Again! Her ad is amazing, and she looks gorgeous. She gets a $10,000 check as payment for the shoot.

Saleisha is a cover girl. And she votes! And so should you. Seriously. If you're not registered to vote, get out there and do it!

Fatima_topmodel10_240 That Damned Scroll says something about lagging and packing up quickly. The girls all run to pack, and Fatima gets an appointment at 9 am the next day at the consulate for her travel documents. At 7 am the girls arrive at Teterboro to learn that their suitcases are just props for a travel-themed photo shoot. Heh. Oh, it's a group shot! Excellent! But Fatima tells Jay that she has to miss the shoot for her appointment at the consulate. Jay thinks this is something she should have thought of before now. The girls are in retro gear and look adorable, but Whitney, Stacy-Ann and Dominique do Modeling 101 poses. Fatima rushes back with her travel documents but misses the shoot.

The models run back inside the hanger after the shoot to warm up and are greeted with - panel! Hello! They're doing an elimination right now. Harsh! Tyra is so, so not amused with Fatima, and tells her that she'll most likely be going home. And immediately after judging, the girls are flying to "the abroad location." Wherever that is! Katarzyna looks snooty and adorable in her photo, and Lauren looks beautiful and uses her body well, but continues to be a disaster at panel. Dominique looks very cosmetic, to me, but at least she doesn't look 40. Stacy-Ann isn't working it at all and wasn't working it at the party, either. Whitney's picture isn't pageant, but her shoot was. Anya is so gorgeous, and her photo is completely unlike anyone else's. Fatima will be judged on her body of work as she has no photo to present. Anya is called first, and Fatima and Stacy-Ann are the bottom two. But Fatima's potential is strong enough to carry her through her lack of photo, and she joins the other five girls on the plane. The plane to...Rome. Nice! Sooooo much better than Shanghai.

Next week: Fatima gets the death flu! Dominque is a dude! Nobody speaks Italian!

What did you think, my darlings? Wasn't last week agony? Aren't you happy Stacy-Ann is gone? And am I the only one who has a major girlcrush on Anya now?