'America's Next Top Model' recap: Mind Your Business, All the Time

tyra-banks-antm-15-320.jpgThis episode, despite a plethora of guest stars, clearly belonged to one Miss Bianca Golden, hero to all mankind. We began with phone drama. Shannon devised a system by which the girls drew numbers from a hat to determine their order for phone calls, and decreed that each call would not exceed 20 minutes. Bianca, who was scheduled to be last and also can do math, pointed out in a perfectly calm manner that ten girls can't each make a 20-minute phone call in an hour and a half. And then Shannon totally started crying! Bianca dubbed her the Crying Christian, and basically was like, "Am I not already villain enough for you?" And then Lisa, Sheriff of Top Model Town, saw fit to butt in, which actually made Bianca mad. And when Bianca's mad, she throws off lines like, "You need to mind your business all the time." It's a win-win, really.

The girls headed to Santa Monica pier, where Miss J. awaited them in fishing garb. For their challenge, they had to model clothes from the Kardashian Kollection while walking on a runway that involved a carousel. Despite the gratuitous yet promising flashback to the swinging pendulum runway of yore, none of these bitches actually fell off of the merry-go-round. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we were royally cheated with that one. The Kardashians were there to judge and show off their voluminous leopard print. Bre and Lisa were named dual winners, and each won a head-to-toe look from the Kardashian Kollection. With a retail value of approximately $49.95, that's quite a prize.

After the challenge, Miss J. pulled Bianca aside and asked why she was so mad. She confessed her troubles, noting that she's been taking **** from both the Crying Christian and the diaper pisser for being too aggressive. In ironic response, this made her want to punch somebody. Bianca then talked about how she deserves to win more than the others, because she works so hard and is so tall and whatever. Though she hasn't said it aloud yet, I think it's implied that Bianca is not here to make friends. Shannon and Lisa started complaining about Bianca again, and Bianca had to repeat her instruction for Lisa to mind her own business. Back at the house, Bre eavesdropped on the others talking about how they want Bianca to leave if she can't handle the competition. She ran to Bianca (who was on the phone with her boyfriend, actually talking about how she wanted to leave the show) and told her that a bunch of bitches were in the kitchen forming a coalition against her. Happily, this made Bianca mad all over again and determined to fight.