'America's Next Top Model' recap: Spice Up Your Tooch
So, the songs appear to be already written this time, possibly excluding a little series of raps that the girls have to do, each expounding on their name in rhyming couplets. Pot Ledom is involved, I'm sorry to say. The Brits seem to have an edge at least in the recording, in part because Azmarie takes on a really weird "stylized" voice, and Kyle is a complete dullard. Before they can shoot a video, though, there is a very important lesson in booty tooching, taught by Tyra herself. Tyra introduces a "training tooch" string, like a training bra except it's padded underwear. Azmarie, being a self-professed grown-ass woman, is not having it and tells Tyra she's not putting on the butt pad. This is less noble in the context of all the other stupid **** she's already done, and I think we all can agree that no wannabe model is going to get away with making a stand for dignity to the Great and Terrible Tyra Banks. Tyra asks her to leave, because she "can't do this teach" without the training tooch.
So, the tooching lesson. There are good tooches and bad tooches. Hoochie tooches and poochie toochies and smoochie tooches and dookie tooches and goochie tooches and juicy tooches. It's like Tyra is rendering the whole English language meaningless in less than five minutes, isn't it? And then there's a smize dance, including a universal hand size for smizing. At this point in my viewing of this episode, I just slumped into a fetal position on my couch, basically.