AnnaLynne McCord reveals she was suicidal after teen rape
McCord starts by talking about growing up in an "extremely religious and conservative family," where her father was a pastor and her mother home schooled both AnnaLynne and her sister, Angel.
The "Dallas" star explains her parents believed in "strict discipline," but she viewed it in a much harsher light, "I would call it abuse. The punishments were painful and ritualistic," she writes. "We would have to bend over the bed, sometimes with our pants down, arms outstretched, and get spanked -- with a ruler in our younger years and later with a paddle that my parents bought when they thought the ruler wasn't strong enough."
McCord describes feeling confused by the treatment of being hurt physically by the people who loved her. She says this mentality caused her to develop unhealthy relationships and "pushed men to be violent" toward her when she started dating.
She then describes a time when she was 18 and living on her own in Hollywood that changed her life. A close male friend she let crash on her couch tried to force himself on her in her sleep, leaving her reeling.
"At first, I felt so disoriented and numb, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep," McCord writes. "Because of the physical abuse, I didn't believe there were borders between other people's bodies and my own. I didn't believe I had a voice."
Years later, because of not acknowledging the pain, the actress reveals she thought about suicide: "I had pills and water in hand and thought seriously about killing myself. I didn't fear death -- it felt like a solution."
Through professional help and the support of friends and family, McCord has found peace with her past and has a message for other young women who feel like they can't speak out, "You have a voice. Don't put yourself in a box. Don't let the polite lies of society silence you. Honestly, I would endure everything all over again -- it has led me to my own revolution."