'Bachelor Pad' has Fantasy Suites!
Gia calls Nikki out in front of the entire house for flipping from Kiptyn to Craig. Gia completely blames Nikki, which is a bit rich since if she had stuck to the rose plan and not given into Country Wes-tern, Craig would still be there and "The Outsiders" would still have the numbers.
Hope Your Shots are Current
The competition this episode is a Kissing Contest. Wow. Everybody has to kiss everybody else (the kissees are blindfolded) and then they vote on the best male and best female kissers. Hilariously, everybody thinks they're going to win -- because everybody thinks they're a good kisser. Everybody always thinks that -- and it rarely proves true.
The girls are blindfolded first and Elizabeth is creepily commenting and moaning while she gets kissed. She then comments that she doesn't know how she'll handle the girls all kissing Kovacs -- we're going to guess she handles it poorly.
Natalie really likes Dave's eat-your-face tactic. Ashley bows out because she's a high school teacher and Kovacs very neanderthally calls that lame. Krisily loves Dave as well. Tenley has a great kiss from Kiptyn. Gia pulls away from anything super-intense and the guys seem pretty respectful of that.
When they switch, Tenley goes balls-to-the-wall, which is surprising. Natalie says she'd "make out with everybody in the house for like $20." Shocking. Gia is pretty horrified at how porn-star-y the girls are getting and she starts crying and drops out.
Jonathan is losing his mind about this challenge -- he is totally the kid at the boy-girl party who had to try not to prematurely do something while playing Spin the Bottle. Natalie and Elizabeth are getting pretty into it, but both are pretty grossed out about kissing Jonathan. Peyton is the sweet but passionate one.
Wes' reactions to the kissing are easily the best. Tenley is "sloppy," Natalie is "violent," Peyton was "nice, soft, dry" -- he only likes going-in-for-the-kill style when he's "absolutely hammered." Snerk.
The winners end up being Dave and Peyton. NICE! Well done, sweet girl! That's great.
Hey Baby, Let's go to Vegas
Dave's date is taking him to Las Vegas and he chooses Nikki, Krisily and Natalie. We would not be excited to go on a group date with Natalie because she's a nutjob and a must-be-center-of-attention girl.
Krisily takes her alone time at the hotel pool and she can hardly keep his attention because Natalie is running around like a maniac. She is now suddenly going after Dave and does so by taking her top off. God, she is so desperate. Thank god Jesse B. has some scruples and ditched her before he caught the Clap.
When the rose appears, Dave has to hand it out immediately and send the other two home. Dave gives the rose to Natalie and Krisily is sad because she felt chemistry with him when he kissed her. I think poor Krisily is confusing chemistry with a good kiss. Aww. This leaves Natalie and Dave to have this entire gorgeous villa to themselves.
At dinner, they get a card for a Fantasy Suite and (obviously) they use it. They're talking about "love," but wasn't Natalie just sucking face with Jesse B. like two days ago? Mark us down as "skeptical." When Dave and Natalie get back, they are staying mum on the shacking up portion of the date.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Gia and Wes are trying to figure out how to get her to stay, while Kovacs and Tenley plot against her. Peyton's date card comes and she chooses Kovacs, Kiptyn and Jesse B. Tenley finds it odd that Peyton is picking the people who are "in relationships." Uh, last time we checked you and Kiptyn are "just friends," Tens.
Tenley decides she must pee on Kiptyn's leg to claim him before he leaves for his date, so she climbs into bed with him to cuddle. But he doesn't want a target on his back by being a couple with her, so he sends her packing and she feels rejected. Aww, Tenley.
Hearts are A-Racin'
Peyton and her three boys head to a racetrack. Peyton is charmed by Kovacs' sense of humor. How amazingly funny would it be if they hooked up? Elizabeth would LOSE. HER. MIND.
After the drag racing, Kiptyn takes alone time and he assures Peyton that he and Tenley are just friends and not dating. When Kovacs gets one-on-one, they seem to be hitting it off. Jesse B. lays it all out there in his one-on-one time -- Natalie is not the girl for him, but he wants a girl he can have fun with. He and Peyton then kiss -- ooooh!
Listen up, Natalies of the world -- a lot of guys may look to you first, but they eventually want someone not crazy/desperate/slutty. Peyton then gives the rose to Jesse B. and Kovacs realizes he'll never get a rose because of Elizabeth. Uh, yeah dummy.
Back at the mansion, Peyton gets to choose to use the Fantasy Suite, but she has to do it in front of Kovacs and Kiptyn. Wow, that's weird. But she chooses to do it anyway.
Meanwhile, Gia and Wes are getting romantic and he says he'll fight to keep her. He then busts out his "Love, It Don't Come Easy" song. Again. Ugh. Gia calls him a "modern-day Shakespeare but cuter." Oh, gross. Is Gia drunk?
In the morning, it does not appear that Jesse B. and Peyton hooked up. Maybe made out, but no sex.
Wes is scrambling to get the couples split up and take the heat off Gia, presumably. But he's putting a target on himself by being so vocal. He does tell Gia to approach Kiptyn about staying because Kiptyn will be the easiest to sway. When she pulls him aside, Gia keeps saying that she's just the messenger and she's getting crucified ... ? What? It's a little convoluted.
The Ayes Have It
The voting commences and it appears to be down to Elizabeth vs. Gia on the women's side and Jonathan vs. Kovacs on the men's side. Wes is scrambling to get Elizabeth out instead of Gia. Kiptyn is his best shot, but we're still skeptical that he'll flip.
The roses go to Ashley, Kiptyn, Tenley, Nikki, Gwen, Wes and Krisily. It leaves the two we thought were on the chopping block. The final two roses go to Kovacs and then there's a tie, leaving Dave to break it. Dave evicts Gia.
So no surprises there. For an episode that started off so steamy, it sure ended with a whimper. Gia cries in the limo that she was going to tell Wes how she feels if she stayed, but it's like -- why didn't you do it while you were there?
Next Week: The contestants have to tell the truth about each other with some embarrassing questions. Yes!
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Photo credit: ABC