'Bachelorette' recap: Ego Tripping

emily-maynard-bachelorette-bachelors-abc.jpgThree dates this week: a one-on-one, a group date, and a two-on-one. But what's "exciting" -- not really exciting, unless you're one of the bachelors, I guess -- is that they're going to Bermuda.

"Bermuda has 'Emily' written all over it," says Emily, because it's warm and sunny and beautiful and Emily is the only person in the world who could possibly appreciate those qualities. And then we get the requisite "Ricki is the most important thing ever to me" segment, and then Emily says she wants to be pregnant, probably with octopluts, the next time she comes back to Bermuda which is kinda weird.

Then a copyright-non-infringing guitar riff reminiscent of "Born to be Wild" starts up, resulting in much unintentional comedy when we see the surviving bachelors tooling around Bermuda not on motorcycles but on SCOOTERS, for God's sake.

The one-on-one date card is for Doug. I don't remember who he is yet until I see him on the screen. "Let our senses lead the way. Emily." This will be a date that uses all senses (except for "common" and "of taste," then).

Oh, right. Doug has the kid or kids? Someone calls him Doug E. Fresh, which I actually found funny. Arie wants Doug to go home so they can get down to business and the bromances can end, like WHAT IS GOING ON in the bachelor pad?