'Bachelorette' recap: The Glory of Love

emily-maynard-bachelorette-bachelors-abc.jpgEmily. "Jef." Arie. Chris Harrison and live studio audience of people who sadly don't appear to have any place more important to be. Let's do this. Home stretch, people. Home stretch.

Harrison strolls out -- he's single, ladies! -- and welcomes us all, to Los Angeles. He says everyone hopes Emily will find true love tonight. As usual, he mistakes "watching The Bachelorette" for "giving a **** about the Bachelorette," but he wouldn't be a good host if made fun of the show like everyone else does.

And then he references the shooting at the theatre in Colorado and urges everyone to do everything they can to help. Well, AFTER the next three hours, obviously. Ugh, good job reminding the audience about things that actually matter. Here's hoping everyone feels sufficiently guilty for wasting time on this show.

But enough about that! We're off to Willemsted, Curaçao. Emily claims to not know who her "guy" is, but she's got a nice little villa rented, and she has a Ricki reunion, like this kid has a passport that's fuller than mine is.

Also, her family has come out to Curaçao for moral support. She greets them at their estate, and says she thinks they'll be surprised to find out she's in love with two different guys. I'd say so, given that that's clearly bull****.

So "Jef" shows up first, wearing a T-shirt and -- what are those, sweat pants? THANKS FOR DRESSING UP, "JEF." He hopes that her family will be warm and open to him when they see how much he loves Emily, or whatever.