'Big Brother 13': Brendon the martyr, Rachel the 'fairytale princess'

brendon-rachel-bb-13.jpgWhat's new in the "Big Brother 13" house? Well, for starters, Brendon and Rachel are pretty gross.

Post-Nominations

In the wake of Daniele nominating Brenchel for eviction, Rachel sniffles and snorffles her way through a Diary Room session where she word-salads something about coming back at Daniele with the undefeated Excaliber. I love Rachel is just enough in the world to know about stuff, but not actually smart enough to say it right.

As the plinky-plunky strains of romance play, Brendon reminds Rachel that "if [he] were to go home, [they're] going to be married for the rest of their lives." Makes me want to heave. Brendon then takes his turn crying in the Diary Room. I love how Stockholm Syndrome-y these people get in this game. Brenchel are crying together in the Asylum Room - I also love how people act like how once someone gets evicted, the producers, like, shoot them in the head or something.

Daniele talks to Rachel about the nominations and Rachel says she doesn't understand how Daniele can say it's not personal. Well, Rachel - you would say your getting out Dominic or Cassi is nothing personal, right? It's NOT personal. You just can't see it when it's you, because you are stupid and self-centered.

Power of Veto


In addition to Dani and Brenchel, Jeff, Adam and Porsche are chosen to play. Lawon is chosen to host. The competition is a combo of a bunch of competitions so far - bubble gum chew, puzzle, putting green and cow milking. But the competition is not an obstacle course. The game is you guess how long it would take you to complete one of the tasks. The person with the fastest time then has to do it - if they fail, they're out. If they succeed, then the player who wrote the slowest time is eliminated. Oooh, that's a great twist on this type of challenge. Man, do you go offensive and try to do it? Or do you go defensive and try to be in the middle?

Up first is the bubble gum chew. They have to bet on how fast they can chew and transport 10 gumballs. Rachel "wins" with 2:00, Adam is slowest with 3:17. While Rachel does it, Brendon annoyingly keeps cheering her on. If my fiance were doing that to me, I would yell at him to shut up. That doesn't help you, it's distracting. Rachel does it with 11 seconds to spare, so Adam is out.

Second is a veto puzzle. Rachel wins with 38 seconds, while Porsche is on the line at 1:58. She can't do it, so she's out. The third task is spelling a word from 11 hairs. Daniele wins with 29 seconds, putting Jeff on the line with 1:59. In a DR session, Brendon haughtily says Daniele didn't even compete in the spelling comp - he's the one who spelled a 13-letter word. Well, it's not like you spelled parasynthetic or glockenspiels. You spelled "understanding," which is the same word you spelled last year. Yeah, I get it - work smarter, not harder, I'm on board. But tone down the arrogance a bit.

Meanwhile, Daniele isn't even close, so she's out. The fourth task is being in the moon outfit and transferring three gallons of milk to the big jug. Jeff wins with 54 seconds, Porsche is on the line with 3:19. Jeff is so close - he literally needed like 3 more seconds. Ouch. So now the last task is putting. Brendon says 33 seconds and Porsche says 35, wow. Brendon does it with 2 seconds to spare and Rachel leaps into his arms and they start dry-humping out in the backyard. Brendon is also pretty cocky about it in the DR, but at least he keeps that to himself.

Post-POV


Brendon and Rachel decide to tell the house he's taking himself off, but he's really going to take Rachel off. I'm not sure anybody will be fooled, knight in shining armor.

America's Vote is coconuts/catfish, liverwurst/lima beans and raisins/rhubarb. Um, none of those are bad. Maybe the third one just because it's not very substantial. But the first two are fine, especially compared to slop.

Daniele talks to J&J about finding out who Brendon is pulling off - but she's pretty sure he'll be the martyr and take Rachel off because Daniele has a good read on Brendon. Jordan volunteers to be a pawn against Brendon, which is a good bet. She's very well-liked and not threatening, even if she is a former winner.

Brenchel come to talk to Dani and he lies and says he's using the POV on himself. Then they try to get her to put up a floater and that'll wipe the slate clean with her. Oh, do not believe them, Dani. Do not.

Power of Veto ceremony

The editing makes it look as though everybody believes Brendon is taking himself off. I don't think anybody really believed that. Lo and behold, he takes Rachel off. Shocking. So Daniele nominates Jordan. Meanwhile, Rachel just cries and cries and says she feels like a fairytale princess whose knight in shining armor saved her. Ughhh.

Brendon gets all cocky again in the DR. Um, she couldn't get BOTH of you out. You didn't "get Daniele" at all. You are still probably going home, dummy.

So who do you think goes Thursday night, "Big Brother" fans? Don't forget to sign up for the live feeds so you can follow along with all this week's shenanigans.

Photo/Video credit: CBS