'Big Brother 13': Rachel crying in the bushes is the best thing ever

rachel-cries-bushes-big-brother-520.jpgWhen we last left the hamsters, Dominic and Adam were the second pair nominated for eviction in the "Big Brother 13" house. Adam is in the Veterans' pockets and wants a Golden Key, so really the only person playing for Power of Veto for real is Dominic. Can he pull it off?

But first ...

Rachel is mad at Jordan for targeting Dominic instead of Cassi. You know why Cassi's a target? Because Rachel is a bow-wow compared to Cassi, so she automatically hates her because Rachel is uber-insecure. Plus, Rachel can't control Cassi because Cassi's not dumb (like Porsche).

Rachel continues to misuse the word "floater" and comments to Porsche that Cassi is "so pretty" but "plays the victim." Um, what? We have seen no evidence of that. Lawon hilariously remarks of Porsche and Rachel, "Those girls are always up to no good." Amen, brother.

Showmance?


Daniele is playing on Dominic because she wants him on her side, meanwhile Dominic is falling for her, showmance-style. She then runs to Rachel to scheme about Cassi needing to go so Dominic has to win the Veto. But Adam just told Jordan in the HOH room that he'd sabotage it. Ha.

So Rachel starts working hard on Jordan, Brendon about getting Cassi out. They say she's sneaky and super shady, which - duh, so are you! It's a GAME, you twits. Jordan rightly recognizes that Rachel is using one comment Cassi made about Porsche as an excuse to oust the prettiest girl in the house. Rachel is gross.

Jeff and Jordan are fed up with Rachel being a little gnat who is constantly buzzing with game talk and strategy. So Jordan calls Cassi into the HOH and tells her exactly what is going on, which is not news to Cassi.

Power of Veto

In another "coincidence," Rachel and Brendon are drawn for Jeff and Jordan's HOH week POV. Wow, really? Was that on every chip in the bag? Rachel and Brendon scheme against "snake and liar" Cassi. She wants to win the POV and use it, though Brendon is worried about them going against Jeff and Jordan. Rachel counters this with saying Jeff and Jordan are only playing for themselves. Well, DUH. You'd do the same thing, dummy.

The POV competition is candy-themed, which is awesome. They are playing individually, with each person running back and forth on a wooden beam to get gumballs. They chew them until they are sticky enough to put on a canvas in the shape of a veto. If they fall off the beam, they are out of the game UNLESS they'll accept two weeks of slop. If they fall a second time, they're out for good.

Brendon hilariously talking-heads that he and Rachel want to win to send Cassi home because "they're in it for the two of [them]." Just like Jeff and Jordan, maybe? That Rachel was so irritated about? "Big Brother" is not a team sport, Rachel.

Jordan is so cute explaining the challenge, "balls in my mouth," hee. I love Jordan. Meanwhile, Dominic is dominating. Then Jordan falls off and says she'll take two weeks of slop, but Jeff tells her not to do it. Well, duh. I wouldn't do it either, you're HOH. You get to re-name nominees anyway. Jeff says she's crabby enough anyway and she's not going to win, so she needs to stop.

Meanwhile, Rachel is taking shots under her breath at Jordan not taking slop and coming back in. She says it proves that she and Brendon NEED to take control back of the house. But then she falls almost immediately again. Haha. Eat that slop, b****.

Seriously, she's unbearable.

It's close between Brendon and Dominic, but Dominic takes it. And he is VERY excited about it in the Diary Room. Yikes. When did he turn into Flavor Flav?

Jeff confronts Rachel about her bitchy comments and I'm with Jeff - it was catty and unnecessary, which is what Rachel does. She then storms off in a tantrum. Brendon chastises her for not only making remarks, but also taking the slop pass and she pouts.

After Jeff talks to her some more, Rachel then (I kid you not) STORMS INTO THE BUSHES AND CRIES. That is maybe the best thing in the history of the world. They are probably on outdoor lockdown, so she can't go inside, so she goes into the bushes. And they rustle and shake as we hear crying sounds. Least scary "Jurassic Park" attraction ever.

She whines about how Jeff yelled at her in front of everybody. Um, "yelled"? He kept his voice nice and low and until you stormed off, this disagreement was just between the three of you.

Brendon says to Rachel, "Poker face? Please? Go straight to the back room?" OK, I do not need these intimate details of your sexual relationship, Brenchel.

Meanwhile, Dominic is celebrating like he just won the $250 million Powerball jackpot. Adam should be afraid that Dominic is going to celebrate so hard he just punches Adam right in the face.

Post-POV


So Jordan and Jeff aren't sure what to do now. Man, when Jeff gets the "Big Brother" edit, I like him so much. Why can't he just not be homophobic and sometimes a little racist all the time?!

Anyway. Jeff and Jordan don't want to put up Cassi and Shelly and Jeff says it has crossed his mind to backdoor Brenchel. OH MY GOD DO IT. But of course they won't, they aren't that stupid.

Rachel is being a pouty baby, wanting to just rail on Jordan winning HOH because "they let her." Brendon like freaks out. How can he deal with her on a daily basis?

Jordan talks to Cassi/Shelly and says the last thing she wants to do is put them up. THEN DON'T! And Cassi rightly says if the roles were reversed, and J/J wanted one couple up and B/R wanted another, what would Brenchel do? And Jordan says she knows they'd do what they want to do regardless of what J/J think.

Cassi/Shelly want Jordan to backdoor Brenchel, but there is also another option - put up Kalia and Lawon. Nobody seems to like Kalia that much anyway.

Jordan brings the Brenchel backdoor to Jeff and he says do it. YES! This is a huge opportunity!

Power of Veto Meeting

Of course, all this exciting editing is for naught because Jordan wusses out and nominates Cassi and Shelly. Lame, Jordan. Lame.

So is Cassi a goner? Probably. Hopefully the show will keep her in sequester and bring her back. I don't love production shenanigans, but I like Cassi and I would love to see how bonkers it makes Rachel.

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Photo/Video credit: CBS