'Big Brother' recap: Burying the Hatchet, if Hatchet=Lawon

big-brother-13-cast-premiere.jpgReplay of the nomination ceremony, reiterating that HoH Kalia flew in the face of Rachel's desperate bargaining and Jeff's threats and nominated them both for eviction this week. We're back in "real time" on Day 35 as Shelly tries to reel in Rachel from going after Daniele. Rachel is convinced in the Diary Room that Daniele is the one who wanted her nominated, but Kalia basically DRs that nobody needs Daniele to want Rachel out of there. Jeff tells an imaginary Kalia that she's called down a double whammy on herself, what with the next evictee getting a chance to come back. "I hope Daniele's happy," he adds. Well of course Daniele is, as she says for herself in the DR.

Shelly drags Rachel into another room to try and calm her down. "You have more class than this," she lies. Rachel thinks Daniele has turned everyone against her, like people can't hate her independently. I hated her last year without even watching Daniele's first season. Rachel declares that she's going to go home. Like, right now. Good plan!

Rachel heads into the Have Not room and makes Jordan talk her down next, and it's obvious that the last thing Jordan wants to have to do is sit here and listen to Rachel's keening about Brendon and how they've been split up and waaaah. Jordan DRs that since Brendon's gone, it's now pretty much fallen to Jordan to keep Rachel out of her tree. Oh my God, Jordan, it's so not worth it.

In another bedroom, Porsche and Daniele cackle quietly about Rachel's noisy meltdown, so it's obvious that Porsche has finally figured out how toxic Rachel is. So that's another newbie on Daniele's side, looks like. For all the good Porsche ever does anyone.