'Big Brother' recap: Milking It

big-brother-13-cast-premiere.jpgThe show now begins (after way too many unnecessary previouslies) with the same old porny theme music, but now with a red background and the cast shown on the screen in their pairs. We get to see a replay of Julie explaining the Golden Key not once, but twice, to the houseguests. I'm only going to explain it once: Of the duo who will be are nominated by Head of Household Rachel this week, one will be evicted and the other will get a Golden Key, which is a free pass to the top ten. Everyone acts like that's a big deal, and Rachel explains it to us once again in the Diary Room, not missing another chance to misuse the term "float." Adam is determined to get the Golden Key, apparently forgetting that he'll have to get nominated to earn it. Lawon makes a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory reference in the DR, and everyone sits in the living room looking serious. Brendon also DRs about hating floaters, because he and Rachel agree on that. And also on not knowing what they are.

Dick whispers to Jeff and Jordan about getting rid of the strong and keeping the weak, and then wiping them out when they switch to individuals, as Dick knows they will. "We're gonna lose one along the way at least," he warns Jeff and Jordan. Or maybe just Jordan.

Then he goes and whispers to Danielle as well. Danielle DRs that she's playing the game and has no choice but to work with her dad. Because just walking out isn't an option. Dick DRs that this is like a replay of BB8, complete with him and Danielle allegedly not talking to each other outside the house, but they're up for it. He adds that they'd have a fine relationship of they could play Big Brother all the time. Which is like an oxymoron on steroids.