'Big Brother: 'Til Death Do You Part' delivers the ultimate low blows

Chelsiahart_jameszinkand_bigbrother Wow. Just when you thought the players of Big Brother: 'Til Death Do You Part could stoop no lower, they manage to surprise you by plunging to depths deeper and more despicable than you could have ever possibly imagined. The season is only a week old, and so far we've already had Adam call special needs kids "retards" and Alex chastise Amanda by calling her a slut for wearing skimpy clothing. Tonight we added to that hall of shame by having Joshuah mock Amanda's dead father and Jen stoop to telling fellow houseguests boyfriend Ryan is a racist, to curry favor in hopes they will vote him out instead of her. Yes, folks, these are the youth of America. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I called someone a mean name and that name was spoiler.

Julie opens the show in full flight attendant gear (complete with kicky scarf!) and warns us that we're about to see the biggest fight in Big Brother history. Seeing as Dick "The Terror" Donato won last season, I highly doubt that claim. However, the plight of "Giggly Gossip Amanda" vs. "Giant Butthead Joshuah" doesn't disappoint. You see, the house is sick of Amanda's gossiping and transparent bids for attention. Things go toe up for Amanda when she accuses James and Chelsia of conspiring against her and Alex. Chelsia takes exception to being a target, and the entire house blows up at Amanda. Because they are bored, and stupid. Previously genial Joshuah positively ambushes Amanda, blowing up and calling her a horse face and telling her no one in the house likes her. He even becomes violent and has to remove himself from the situation lest he do something physical. Joshuah, why all the hate? And why the extra "h"? In the end, Chelsia makes an offhand comment about giving Amanda a noose, which Joshuah takes way to far when he says "just like her Dad." Oh no you didn't! Love Amanda or hate her, that was just shameful behavior. Amanda rightly breaks down at this inhumanely insensitive remark and Allison comforts her, although the pleasure Allison seems to take in Amanda's pain is a little bit disconcerting.

In other despicable news, Jen decides she needs to start campaigning against Ryan and decides to go straight for the kill shot by telling house histrionic Sheila about Ryan's dirty, dirty racism. She follows this up by telling other girls in the house how Ryan hates that she used to date an African-American guy. Now, whether or not this is true, what a horrible thing to do to someone you claim to love by airing all of this on national television. I know all is fair in love and war but Jen is just heartless and cruel. Sheila spills the beans to Ryan, who rightly freaks out on Jen. Jen completely lies about what she actually said, and somehow gets Ryan to believe that she had something other than her own self-interest at heart. Oh, I can't wait until he gets out of the house and sees the show tapes! You're gonna be so busted, Jen.

Now on to the vote. This season, the couples only get one vote and must decide together who to evict, or something mysteriously ominous happens to them. Way to be vague, Julie. In her HoH room confessional, Amanda reveals that Joshuah and Chelsia apologized for their remarks and she forgave them. If she's being truthful, she's a much better person than I could ever be, that's for sure. Once the interview is over, the votes come in and Jen and Parker are eliminated, 3-1. It seems from the diary room hinting that Matt and Natalie were the only ones to vote to keep them. In the exit interview, Julie calls Jen out on her idiotic game plan of revealing her secret relationship with Ryan. She says she doesn't regret telling Parker, but she does regret Ryan telling Allison. Really, the gameplay in this season is so terrible I can't imagine anything good could have come from her game even if she had decided to keep the relationship a secret. If you can't figure out how to go more than two days without revealing what boils down to essentially a rock-solid alliance partner, you are not meant for the game of Big Brother. Or, honestly, probably not even the game of Candyland.

The HoH competition this week is entitled "Big Brother Democracy," and is the old standby of guessing how the majority of the houseguests will answer a question. If you vote with the majority, you get a point. The twist this week is the votes will have consequences for the houseguests outside of the HoH competition, like depriving them of hot water for a day. Of course, the houseguests make the most idiotic choices possible (except for Matt and Natalie, who choose sensibly every time and have the most hilarious "the hell?" looks on their faces when they find out what stupid thing the houseguests have chosen next). Examples of things the houseguests ended up with are no hot water for a day (vs. no hot food for a day), the girls wearing bathing suits for a day (vs. the girls wearing an outfit of their soulmate's choosing), the houseguests giving up drinking cups for a week (vs. giving up utensils), a margarita party (which they must enjoy with no cups!), having the women cook dinner for a week (vs. the men serving breakfast in bed) and, finally, no washing machine for 2 WEEKS (vs. no workout equipment for 2 weeks). Seriously, folks. This is not a group of the highest intelligence. In the end, Chelsia and James win HoH and celebrate accordingly. I'm actually sort of interested to see who they nominate, because I have no idea where they stand.

Favorite quotes:

  • "Your name has not come out of my mouth!" - Amanda, defending herself to Chelsia
  • "Ryan is also racist." - Jen, totally selling her boyfriend out to curry votes in her favor
  • "Do you not see she's throwing you under the f****** bus?" - Sheila, to Ryan
  • I think Jen and Parker should leave because they're bad bunkmates. He's always turning the light on while we're sleeping." - James