'Bones' goes 'Jersey Shore': It was Snooki, in the conservatory, with the candlestick
Brennan's delusion about perceiving the series as a documentary aside, her anthropological fascination with the shore is not a surprise. The translations of the Guido lexicon? The mannerisms? Made the entire episode.
Also: we learned a new way to motorboat. So thanks for that, "Bones." And now to the nitty-gritty:
For the squints:
- Is there a special acting school for people who want to find dead bodies in "Bones" cold opens? Because nowhere else on the series -- or, barring Spanish-speaking variety shows, the whole of television -- are there more hilariously over-acting extras.
- Since all the squints are reappearing (Awe, hello, Joel Moore, you lovable creep.), we think its safe to assume that Jeffersonian crew deathwatch is back on. There haven't been legitimately high stakes for our characters' since Booth's (David Boreanaz) brain tumor, and a nice kill-off is just what we need to up the ante with this upcoming serial sniper. We'd nominate Hannah (Katheryn Winnick), but the last thing we need is for her to be martyred. (More on how we've decided to hate her below)
- Sometimes we question the decision to write Hodgins (T.J. Thyne) as the bug guy, but then we learn about things like "cheese skippers." Apparently, if you die during a Red Bull binge, your body will basically evaporate and the maggots left in its place will "jump up and grab their butts with their mouths." We'd barf if we could stop laughing.
For the shippers:
- Our eyes! Our eyes! We've mentioned how fond we are of shirtless Boreanaz, but sneaking in some Boonah (yeah, we're going there) canoodling into the cold open? Not cool. This is going to take a lengthy adjustment period, so a little warning next time we see him getting busy would be much appreciated.
- Whoa. Brennan definitely got her Xanax on since the last episode. That's the only way to explain how chipper she was when Booth was on the phone with Hannah. You know, until she switched back to emo. Protective Brennan making sure Hannah was ready to move in with Seeley = good tears. Lonely Brennan simul-your-welcoming Booth before awkwardly shuffling off home alone = bad tears. (Sidenote: Angela (Michaela Conlin) would have never, ever left her alone in that room, but we understand the need to break character to facilitate a scene.)
- So here's why we've decided to hate Hannah, after really giving her the old college try: She's totally fake -- not in the pretending way, but in the way that beautiful, successful women who are sweet, non-threatened and earnest in everything they do, don't exist. Of course Booth is in love with her. We're in love with her. But compared to all of the deeply real characters created by this series, she's just a cartoon.
- Girlfriends and hookups aside, in all honesty, we'd subscribe to a network that was just looped footage of Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz talking in a car. Their drive up to the shore offered this episode's most simple pleasures.
Brennanism of the week: "You shouldn't threaten Agent Booth. He can be very male."
Next week feels sort of like an experiment in normalcy. First we had the premiere (anticipation buzz), then we had our intro to Hannah (collective dread) so with the passing of the "Jersey Shore" spoof (morbid curiosity), we've reached the end of the Season 6's wildly hyped introduction.
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Photo credit: FOX