'Bones': Parker plays matchmaker

davidboreanaz2_bones_s5_290.jpg"Bones" combined two of my favorite things tonight: bashing the suburbs and Parker Booth. And true, the whole "perfect neighborhood willing to kill in order to keep it that way" thing has been done before, but I thought tonight's episode had a couple nice twists to it.

It takes a village:

At a luau-themed block party in the 'burbs, the happy homeowners discover a barbequing person in place of the pig. Hmm. As a vegan, I'd say both are pretty gross. (And I'm not even going to touch the whole pig-hunting thing that comes up later.) Our victim is Kurt, another happy homeowner who balances out his philandering tendencies with a strong commitment to environmentalism. (But apparently not animal welfare...or at least dog welfare.)

The suspects are many, since Kurt wasn't exactly neighbor of the year. He was sleeping with half the neighborhood, including his neighbor's wife and 18-year-old daughter (actually, neighbor and partner in internet sex toy sales). He poisoned another neighbor's dog for peeing on his unsightly windmill. He purchased said windmill with the $5,000 he charged another neighbor for a second phone line.

So who finally snapped and killed him? Well...pretty much all of 'em. His neighbor's wife, one of the dog's owners, and the phone line buyer each struck Kurt after collectively being driven over the edge not by his unneighborly behavior, but by his ugly, noisy windmill. His wife was slipping him salt peter thinking it would, well, keep his peter in bed with her - unfortunately, it instead just caused him to bleed out much more easily. I hope he learned a valuable lesson about caring for the environment.

The Squint Squad:

Arastoo, it seems, has been faking the Iranian accent (and pretty much the entire personality as well) - a fact that emerges when he snaps at Cam for pushily trying to respect his religion. Huh. I find it really hard to concentrate on anything he's saying now. Apparently he was trying to avoid explaining his devout religion. I guess that makes sense...especially given the good-natured (but bordering on obnoxious, Hodgins) jabbing and questioning he gets from the squints.

Booth and Brennan:

Rebecca and her BF are out of town, so Parker (a.k.a. the world's most adorable child) is hanging with Booth. Yay! He thinks Booth really, really needs a girlfriend. You know, for sexing up. After Parker strikes out with Angela and Cam, Sweets suggests that Booth show Parker that he can, in fact, interact with women. Which means faking it with Brennan by having dinner together at the diner. Aww.

Parker suggests that Brennan could be Booth's girlfriend (Booth: "Buddy, you really gotta quit that."), but Brennan tells him it would be inappropriate. Both Parker and Booth look equally interested in her answer, which - after a pause - is that they work together. Parker thinks (and I agree) that it's a stupid reason.

In the end, though, Brennan just comes out and asks Parker why he wants his dad to have a girlfriend so much, and it turns out that he thinks he'll get a pool out of the bargain. And hey, it turns out Brennan has a pool in her building that they're welcome to use! The three of them agree that Brennan is awesome (and really good with Parker, which can't be lost on Booth, right?).

Favorite Quotes:

  • Parker: "We're not allowed to talk about the bad parts of Dad's work until I have armpit hair."
  • Booth: "That was creepy." Brennan: "Well, I warned you about the suburbs."
  • Kurt's wife: "Well, I already told the FBI guy and the scary lady everything I know, so..."
  • Parker to Angela: "Could Dad sex you up?"
  • Cam to Brennan: "I'm not hanging up because I don't have an answer to that, I'm just hanging up."
  • Sweets: "Keep your grubby anthro hands off my psych."
  • Booth: "Will you be my village? I need Parker to know that I lead a full and rewarding life." Brennan: "But you don't!" Booth: "What? Yes I do." Brennan: "No, you don't. You work too much, you don't socialize, all of which prevents you from having a full sex life."

Is Parker the cutest kid you've ever seen, or what? Did you feel like the "dark secrets in the suburbs" angle has been played out, or did "Bones" bring something fresh to the table?