Charlie Sheen: 'I don't cook food, I will it'

sheen-funnyordie.jpg Charlie Sheen can add yet one more venue to his list of non-stop appearances: Funny or Die.

In the video below, a chain-smoking Sheen explains how if "you eat like me, you can be like me" and demonstrates how he uses a spatula -- err, a "cooking wand for a warlock," that is.

Sheen adds that "winners stalk and kill their own food with weapons," and this apparently includes vegetables because, as Sheen says, "All green things must die."

We also get a peek at a few of Sheen's secret ingredients: tea made from "ground dinosaur fossils" and "a little Charlie Sheen." Umm, eww! Still, we have to admit, this is way funnier than "Two and a Half Men."