'Dancing With the Stars' Kate Gosselin needs 'a postmortem, not a critique'

kate-gosselin-postmortem.jpg"Dancing With the Stars" Movie Night didn't have a happy ending for Kate Gosselin.

The mom of eight might have gotten praise for her tango last week, but it was straight 5's and all thumbs down from the judges on Monday (April 19). Dancing to "Don't Forget about Me" ("Breakfast Club"), Gosselin's foxtrot was more like a foxwalk.

Judge Carrie Ann Inaba tries to sugarcoat it for Gosselin by noting, "There is some kind of grace that's developing" (cut to a Bruno eyebrow-raising "what is she talking about?" look), and then she makes some kind of dubious analogy to a Charlie Brown's wah-wah-wah sound effect.

The usually harsh Len Goodman even surprisingly takes it a little easy on the reality TV mom (actually it's not all that surprising -- the last thing "DWTS" wants is to see the ratings-gold Gosselin leave their show). Goodman acknowledges that it was "neat and precise," but adds, "It wasn't really a dance, it was a stroll."

But leave it to the fiery Italian to tell it like it is. Bruno Tonioli starts off with one of his ever amusing quotable comparisons about partner Tony Dovolani having to deal with Gosselin's less than lifelike energy level, but he spits it out faster than these fingers could type (if anyone caught it, please add it to the comments!). Tonioli goes on to say, "Last week I thought something has happened, and now it's all gone back." Then just in case we hadn't caught the first slam about her low energy level, he adds, "What you need is a postmortem, not a critique." Tonioli left no criticism unturned.

Tom Bergeron pipes in, "Don't hold back, Bruno. Tell us what you really think."

When Brooke Burke does her "celebritorium" post-performance interview, Gosselin blames her slow motion foxwalk on "a nice visit from eight little friends," where she says she spent a lot of her energy. She also makes sure to add how much her kids look forward to Mondays ("They count down the days," she says) -- you know, just in case there's any confusion over whether her ex's accusations of her being a sub-par absentee mom have any merit.

And of course one more Bergeron comment to wrap it all up. "This update: Eight little friends just stripped Bruno's car."

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Photo credit: ABC