Don't get 'Lost' in all the 'Twilight' buzz
So, in order to do proper penance and shine a light on another corner of the entertainment world, I thought it best to highlight this little indy flick coming out this weekend called " Twilight: New Moon." Don't feel bad if you've never heard of this tiny, arthouse film: not everyone can have my subtle, discerning eye for cinema.
In all seriousness, trying to escape the hype surrounding this movie is a little bit like trying to outwit Ben Linus: unless you are Jacob's archenemy and have a few centuries on hand to hone the perfect long con, you're just not gonna do it. And rather than fight the tide, I'm swimming with the current. Forget Freckles; I'm brushing up on Bella. I'm trading in Edward Mars for Edward Cullen. I'm putting aside Vincent and replacing him with the Volturi.
With that in mind, I've come up with ten ways in which "Lost" would be quite a different show if it took place in the "Twilight" universe. Here we go.
10) Island ghosts (such as Yemi and Christian Shephard) would appear to "sparkle" in the sun.
9) Kate Austen would still be in a love triangle, but bite her lip approximately 200x more often while trying to decide between Jack and Sawyer.
8) Instead of "The Others," we would refer to the mysterious Island natives as "Team Jacob."
7) Where would Mittelos Biosciences' office be located? "Not in Forks," naturally.
6) Survivors of Oceanic 815 could only hear the Whispers when engaging in thrill-seeking activities on the Island.
5) Charlie Pace would have dubbed Aaron "Immortal Child," not "Turnip Head."
4) Station 42, or "The Pecs," would study the effects of the lunar cycle on human behavior, as well as the work-out methods employed by actors worried that their part might be recast.
3) Sawyer's version of "the cold ones" would concern the stash of beer in Roger Linus' van.
2) Much less Michael Giacchino, much more Paramore.
1) The first season probably wouldn't have involved Locke's sweaty attempts to get into the Swan. Ahem.
What other differences would there be if we combined "Lost" and "Twilight" into a proverbial pop-culture peanut butter cup? Leave your thoughts below!
The Dish Rag's "Twilight" news and notes
Zap2it's "Twilight" complete coverage
Ryan invites you to join the Zap2It's Guide to Lost Facebook group.