'Downton Abbey,' 'New Girl' and more of the best lines from the week of Feb. 2-7
Conan O'Brien, on the Olympics and Jay Leno: "NBC will finally get to show somebody who's OK with passing the torch."
Dinah: "Come over to academia. The fun never ends!"
Felicity: "British people are really bad liars."
Felicity: "Lucky for us, Tibetan pit-viper venom is difficult to transport."
Lance: "Where'd you two even meet?"
Sara: "Vigilante club."
Bonnie: "I just want to say how proud I am of my daughter. She is the strongest person I know. If I had a guy like this, I'd be robbing banks and shooting heroin into my eyeballs to keep our love alive."
â€ª 'New Girl'
Winston: "Honestly, can you not see what the panties are doing to us?"
Schmidt: "Prince is terrible at Frisbee."
Prince, to a dumbstruck Jess and Nick: "Hi. I'm Prince. So what seems to be the problem? Oh, how rude of me -- I haven't given you enough time to freak out. You may do so."
Prince: "So do you like pancakes?"
Prince: "Anything beautiful is worth getting hurt for."
Jess: "Very well put."
Prince: "You know who said that?"
'How I Met Your Mother'â€¬
â€ª Barney, imparting some wisdom on two unsuspecting bros: "Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary unless your friends are there to see it." â€¬
â€ª 'The Goldbergs'â€¬
â€ª Emmy Mirsky after seeing Barry's rap video: "I'm gonna need 14 copies of this."â€¬
Vane: "Be honest. Are you as surprised as I am that I'm the only one here behaving myself?"
Ben: "No matter how many lies we tell ourselves, no matter how many stories we convince ourselves we're part of, we're all just thieves awaiting a noose."
Shawn: "Easy there, Denzel. Little more 'Mighty Quinn,' little less 'Training Day.'"
Piper: "Here's how it's gonna go down: You go pour me a drink, you shuffle the cards and [removes shirt] we're gonna play a little game."
Zach Galifianakis, about stand-up comedy: "I didn't want to bring any of my friends to a show, it was terrible. I used to bring homeless people to shows because you had to bring two people and I would meet these homeless guys and go, 'Would you come? I'll pay for your drinks, will you come and fake laugh?'"
Malory: "Now you listen to me, missy. You are getting a brain chip and then you're going on the Grand Old Opera and I don't care if it kills you."
Cherlene: "Cheryl's gone. I'm Cherlene now. And if somebody don't fry me six god**** eggs and some Carolina fries, I would personally be shocked -- shocked, I tell you -- if by morning this place ain't burnt to the ground."
Lady Violet, in re: jazz: "Do you think any of them know what the others are playing?"
â€ª 'Late Show with David Letterman'
David Letterman's farewell to Jay Leno: "Congratulations on a wonderful run. And I'll tell you something -- if I was Jay Leno and I was retiring, you know what I'd do? I'd go out and buy myself a car."â€¬
Frank after accidentally telling Sammi he's her dad: "Dry humping is not incest."
Stoke: "So, you guys done one of these [telethons]?"
Matt: "Uh, yeah. I did 9/11. And Katrina."
Morning: "I did the Exxon Valdez and Three-Mile Island. ... "
Matt: "Did you do one for the Hindenburg too?"
'Agents of SHIELD'
Fitz to Skye: "You're the least supportive pretend girlfriend I've ever had."
Ward trying to turn on FitzSimmons' table: "Holo table, on. Holo table, activate."
Fitz of moving Simmons to a safe place: "Look at her little face. She'd be so embarrassed."
Isaac: "Let's go see if a paranoid Yakuza wants to add another gun to his collection."
Mrs. McCall: "Do you trust me?"
Stiles: "When you're not holding a needle."
Castle: "Blue hairs? So she was killed by a little old lady ... or Katy Perry ... Or a Dr. Seuss character."
Beckett: "I'll take murderers over models any day."
'Pretty Little Liars'
Hanna: "Shana has too many faces to trust. I've been keeping count, I'm running out of fingers."
Aria: "I've got a finger you can use. It's not the nice kind."
Miranda: "I'll protect him until he can come back to you. I promise."
'Brooklyn Nine Nine'
Diaz: "Blink twice if you'd like me to mercy-kill you."
Terry, proving he's more than a pretty face: "But Truffaut wrote 'Breathless' and I've always considered movies a writer's medium."
Peralta: "Sorry the tear gas made you look like a demon-dog at the end of 'Ghostbusters.'"
'Person of Interest'
Shaw, to Reese and Finch: "Hate to interrupt this mildly erotic moment, gents, but the invitation advises us not to be late."