'Duck Dynasty': 'Jase and the Argonauts' go all-terrain with ice cream

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If you weren't eating ice cream while watching  "Duck Dynasty" on Wednesday (Feb. 26), you will want to after you finish reading this.

Jase goes all-terrain

Willie installs an ice cream machine in his office, to motivate his team. Everyone gets ice cream for doing good work.  Jase and Si, however, think it's silly, childish blackmail, and
they're not children. The others disagree. They like the ice cream. I could go for some right now, but I digress.

What does motivate a grown man? The fancy " Argo Amphibious ATV" all-terrain vehicle, or "the ultimate redneck chariot" as Jase calls it, when he pulls up in it like a god. Admittedly, it's a cool machine. Eight wheels, seats a bunch of people and it can go on water and over land.

Jase says it's for the use of the warehouse crew only, within a point system -- each assembled duck call is between 1 and 10 points, and they can cash in their points to use the Argo. When the crew gets crazy-productive, Willie is excited that Jase has pitched in to motivate too. And that's when Jase explains he used the Duck Commander company credit card to buy the Argo. Willie does concede that Jase may have beaten him in the motivation game.

And so he buys a second Argo.

But can we eat ice cream AND ride in the Argo at the same time? That's what we need to know.

Meanwhile ...

Miss Kay and  Phil can't get their fancy TV to work. Too many buttons leads Phil to bemoan that old TVs used to have two -- "on" and "off" only. The man just wants to watch "The Bourne Identity" and wishes there was just a "Bourne" button on the remote. Bookending the too-much-technology problem, Miss Kay has a new smartphone and needs Willie to teach her how to text. He compares this to a baby playing a piano -- it's cute, but after a while, annoying. But Kay is now a emoji texting fiend.

Best Lines:

  • "It's got a good flavor. Plus, it's chewy." - Uncle Si, on eating the "mustard plug" in the squeeze bottle
  • "You like a full-figured TV like you like a full-figured woman." - Miss Kay to Phil
  • "Ice cream is not a legitimate 'perk.'" - Jase
  • "The grandkids want me to talk to them on the phone, with text, and I don't know how to do it." - Miss Kay
    "Okay, I gotta go." - Willie

Also, since it was there one moment and gone the next, the immense Googling that took place for "Argo Amphibious ATV" probably crashed their website, because it went down really quickly. Happy "Duck Dynasty" Day, Argo people. Christmas came really early.
Photo/Video credit: A&E