Eight things learned in 10 minutes of 'Conveyor Belt of Love'
And really, 10 minutes is about all you needed to grasp the subtleties of this (oh please let it be just a) one-off show from ABC: Guy comes down belt, five women make a snap judgment (with two-sided paddles that read "interested" or "not interested") about him, guy stays or goes away depending on said paddle, viewer loses interest quickly.
So this is what I picked up:
- Milk baths are gross. That was the opinion of at least two of the five women who dispatched a guy just as I clicked over from (no kidding) "This Emotional Life" on PBS (which was somewhat interesting but was not as compelling a show as I'd hoped it would be).
- One woman's creep in a Speedo cradling his dog is another woman's "golden statue" in a Speedo cradling his dog. "Another woman" in this case is Keiko, who says of Johnny Pride, the aforementioned dog-cradler, "I think it's cute that he's so, like, close with his dog. ... He's hot."
- Keiko, however, was nonplussed by the guy who has a one-man show called "How to Become a Man in 127 Easy Steps," which somehow involves hanging off a Cirque du Soleil-style ribbon for a good portion of it. Keiko doesn't like all his talking, but Jenn is into his slightly nerdy charms. Score one for the slightly awkward.
- Giving a girl "sex eyes" might work -- as it did for a dude in a suit named Ryan on Dalet, seated in the middle of the five women -- but you really, really shouldn't call them "sex eyes."
- Nunchucks OR dancing. Not both. This was a guy named Reginald's downfall.
- Don't lead with the fact that you like to date "in the cougar bracket," which according to Demetri Martin-wannabe Kevin is "over 32." I have no idea how old any of these women are, but if they're under 32, he's just disqualified them, and if they're not, he probably just insulted them.
- Dalet is fickle. She runs through three guys in 10 minutes.
- One guy starts howling from offstage, then proclaims "I HATE BEING BORED!" when the belt stops. I know the feeling, pal, which is why the conveyor belt of my remote is moving on to "SportsCenter."
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'Conveyor Belt of Love': Really, ABC?
Photo credit: ABC