for 'Chasing Mummies'

tvpartyw822.jpgIf we've said it once, we've said it a thousand times - 1333 B.C. was a simpler time. When King Tut took the throne of Egypt, the world was an unspoiled oasis full of wondrous possibilities. All these years later the best civilization can muster is sitting on a couch Wednesday nights watching Chasing Mummies on History. And while the boy king rests safely under glass, it turns out that there are a lot of other mummies waiting for their 15 minutes of fame. Luckily, world-renowned archaeologist and Egyptologist Dr. Zahi Hawass is good with a shovel and won't rest until every grave in Egypt is catalogued and videotaped. So if you love long-dead foreigners wrapped in gauze, call your friends and neighbors; we're throwing a Chasing Mummies party!

Setting the scene:
If we've learned anything from obsessively watching this series, it's that Cairo and its surrounding desert are dusty, dirty places infinitely less hospitable than Vegas on a Tuesday. But on the flip side, its dead people are way better preserved (Liberace notwithstanding). So we need to decorate as though Ramses II had just hired us to be his interior decorator. We want it to look as if we're partying in a tomb, and that means we need to put up faux limestone wallpaper, hang a few fake torches and burning pots, have a local artist re-create a wall of hieroglyphics, and then add all of the touches that make a trip to the afterlife bearable: canopic jars, statues of Anubis and Nerfertiti, Egyptian Columns of Luxor, a Great Pyramid of Giza coffee table, a life-size Horus statue, an extra-large King Tut sarcophagus and, of course, a 6-foot mummy, because that's what we're chasing. Invitations should be printed on papyrus paper, and party favors can include everything from ankh necklaces to Indiana Jones DVDs.

Wrapping yourself in toilet paper seems like the obvious choice here, but there are plenty of other choices.

On the menu:
Anything served in canopic jars would please Dr. Hawass, but he'd really love some Egyptian baked sambusak, lamb kofta with fattoush and baklava.

On the hi-fi:
If you are looking for music played by men in bandages (and, frankly, music that would have been better left buried under 300 million tons of pyramid), we suggest either the Mummies or Here Come the Mummies. But the standard remains King Tut by Steve Martin.

The showstopper:
Apparently you can buy actual mummies on the black market, but since we promised the editors we wouldn't encourage illegal activities (anymore), why not just ramp up this party by buying a real live dromedary camel? Just as a warning, keep him downwind.