'Gossip Girl': 'Inglourious Bassterds' and the return of evil Chuck

gossip-girl-inglourious-basterds-320.jpgDan and Vanessa are, we guess, both applying to the Tisch writing program, but Vanessa isn't telling anybody that. We guess because it would take away her entire persona as a guerrilla documentarian or whatever, but also because that's sort of Dan's territory.

So they spend the whole episode refusing to critique each other's work, like they usually do so fearlessly, because it would interfere with their Relationship. Of course, once the truth comes out -- that they are both horrible writers, obviously, and hate each other deeply -- they are free to resume their Relationship with no ill effects. Although it seems possible (and having seen some of Dan's writing for ourselves, more than likely) that Vanessa has gotten in by episode's end, while hopefully Dan has not.

That Jenny Humphrey, she is psychotic. She leverages last week's near-miss with the gang-rape to get Nate to spend his birthday with her, even though she knows full well that Serena has organized a surprise party and epic-scale game of Assassin in his honor. The full-on fake sex-trauma ways she jerks everybody around to keep Nate in her orbit are legendary, as is the lunge-and-kiss that finally causes Nate to sit up and take notice that he's getting played. By the end, having given it a serious go, Little J gives up on him, at least for the moment.

Eric van der Woodsen is back from Japan, and gets an adorable new boyfriend named Elliott, whom I hope -- as the only attractive non-Vanderbilt boyfriend on this show ever -- stays around forever. But probably he is a serial killer or somebody's love child or something. Maybe both, like last time... Oh, and Dorota super annoying and get engaged to large blonde Russian for make baby not be bastard.

The lion's share of the episode, however, belongs to the deeply heartbreaking story of how Chuck sells Blair to his uncle Jack ...

Read the full recap at Television Without Pity