'Gossip Girl': Really? That's the big threesome?

pennbadgley_jessicaszohr_gossipgirl_290.jpgWelcome to threesome night on "Gossip Girl"!  Except that the shenanigans surrounding Jenny's cotillion debut were a lot more interesting.

Three's company:
Well, for those who guessed Vanessa + Dan + Olivia as the racy trio, bravo. I for one wouldn't have guessed that Dan would have it in him -- he seems like the kind of guy who wouldn't even say hey to the guy at the next urinal.  

A fourth installment of "Eternal Knight" is rumored -- and the fanboys who hang out at the coffee shop are champing at the bit in the hopes that Olivia will confirm that it's going to happen. But she's liking her college experience, and she doesn't want to do it. And Dan hatches a plan with Vanessa to give Olivia the classic college experience so she'll turn down the movie. Coincidentally, Dan finds an article in the school paper about the 15 things that any college student must do to have an authentic experience. The trio skip from fountain dancing to beer pong, keg stands, and glowy shots, all while Olivia's under pressure to say yes to the movie -- which eventually she does, not having a choice.

Finally, they 'fess up to the plan, noting they've done everything on the list but one: #11 -- Have a threesome. There's college journalism at its finest -- not to mention quite a leap from beer pong. Olivia's done it before -- but only in a movie. And maybe it's the shots talking, but Dan and Vanessa (whose weave once again is just a crime against humanity) are game. Olivia kisses Dan. Olivia kisses Vanessa. Dan kisses Vanessa. Sin occurs. The next thing we see, they're all sleeping peacefully in the same bed, and Olivia gets a text message that the movie's off because the director dropped out. It'll be interesting to see how their friendship weathers Olivia sticking around and all of the pent-up feelings between Dan and Vanessa.

Given how little time this storyline took up over the course of the episode, and how what we actually saw on-screen was a couple of kisses and three people in a bed afterward, I'd say it's safe to un-bunch your undies, Parents Television Council. Daytime dramas -- the ones that are left -- show loads more skin, and  viewers of any age can find far worse antics on a slew of channels.

taylormomsen_gossipgirl_290.jpg Cotillion mayhem: Jenny's debut as Constance Queen takes up the bulk of the episode -- and it makes Emily Gilmore's DAR ball look positively quaint. It's essentially a training-wheels gathering of all of the most evil prep-school teens of the Upper East Side, to prepare them for the real-life social evils they'll perpetrate on one another in the future. The cosa nostra reference was perfect. Jenny needs an escort, and she's got her Mean Girls in a dither about getting her in with this year's Hot Guy, Graham Collins.

Eric, watching Jenny be drawn closer and closer to the Dark Side by the Queen tractor beam, tries to pull her back by suggesting that she take Jonathan as her escort. It's also a chance to make up for the fact that she's been behaving like... well, Blair. Speaking of, Blair grudgingly agrees to be a mentor for cotillion, even though she's mid-fight with Serena, who was going to mentor Jenny, but who hands Little J over to Big B. Meanwhile, fellow deb Kira (the adorable Sarah Steele) tries to hook Jenny up with Graham, over Eric's protestations. When Jenny essentially snubs them all, Blair and Eric join forces to try to teach Jenny a lesson -- including Eric sending a fake text to Graham, turning him down.

Blair mentors Kira ("to become queen you have to take down the queen," she tells this poor nice girl), and between the two of them and Eric they manage to stage a cotillion coup, getting Graham to escort Kira and essentially leaving Jenny in front of everyone with no escort. Eric's claws come out too, which is great fun to watch -- he pressured Graham into it by threatening to expose Graham's antics at camp in Switzerland. Alrighty then.

Jenny, wearing ridiculous half black leather gloves that only Karl Lagerfeld could pull off (and really, not even him), won't listen to Eric's "this could be for the best" attempt to get her to see the light. She's determined not to have to be Jenny from Brooklyn, and not to have to continually prove herself. A sentiment anyone could understand -- in this case, it's all in the execution.

But she emerges triumphant anyway, finding an escort of her own: Nate, who's shown up as part of a plan with Chuck to heal the rift between Blair and Serena. So Jenny walks the walk with Nate, and suddenly all the queens want an audience with her.  

Serena and Trip and Blair: Serena lands a job in Trip's congressional office, where she (a) manages to actually where a full outfit of clothes, and (b) learns that her crush on Trip, who's married and in office now (not that that's ever stopped a Congressman before), is mutual. And now she doesn't trust herself around him, she tells Blair as they're stranded in an elevator together, thanks to Nate and Chuck. I know self-control's never been Serena's strong suit, but come on.  

Blair and Serena make up, thanks to Chuck and Nate, and Serena attempts to do the right thing by quitting her new job, which Blair very wisely advised her to do. But in the end, Trip talks her out of leaving and Serena blows Blair off.

Some quotes and a note:
  • Chuck: "A debutante ball without Blair Waldorf is like the Tour de France without Lance Armstrong." Blair: "I resent the comparison to that man whore."  Ouch!
  • Blair to Jenny on the imporance of cotillion: "It's not like your wedding day -- cotillion only happens once."
  • Eric to Jonathan about Jenny: "She's at the tipping point. She's not Darth Vader yet; she could still stay Anakin."
  • The silliest part of the Serena-Trip situation is her thinking that he'd actually read any of the press releases that she's churning out as a media relations aide.



What did you think? Were you shocked -- shocked -- that the "scandal" was mostly just marketing? Do you think Blair will be able to keep Serena's dad on the straight and narrow? What do you think is up with the letter on Lily's desk from Serena's father?


Related:

'Gossip Girl': The (yawn) much-anticipated (yawn) threesome
'Gossip Girl' threesome tease: Who's the lucky couple?
'Gossip Girl': Threesome episode has Parents Television Council panties in a bunch
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