'Gossip Girl' recap: Rough Trades

gossip-girl-season-5.jpgSo Chuck's been paying hot poor people to beat him up. Ambush him and beat him up with their great big poor-people muscles. That's how that's going. Dan keeps walking in on these little scenes and finally he steps to Nate like "Trick, best treat your man right." So Nate stops baking -- literally, he was baking pot brownies for Chuck, possibly in a little apron, because this show keeps finding new ways to be gay -- long enough to call the doctor. It was really cute, how worried he was once Dan explained to him that he should be worried. They make such a good pair of domestic partners, the three of them.

Oh, and get this. Naturally, Chuck Bass is suffering from some kind of drama queen psychological syndrome where he can't feel feelings anymore, because this show also keeps finding new ways to be WTF.

Louis's sister Beatrice is some bull****. I don't even want to talk about her. That thing that Zooey Deschanel does to people, that's what Louis's sister Beatrice does to me. So the prince and princess French at each other and it's so disgusting, just absolutely unbearable, and there's a sexy priest*, and somehow Blair ends up telling Dan that she's pregnant and then inviting some homeless people to the Monegasque Feast of Assumption. There is much lovely Blair-and-Dan time, if you're into that sort of thing. Which you are.

*Oh, and Beatrice is ****ing the sexy priest. That was like the one cool thing she did. Finding a bra would have been another one, but she ****ed that up too.