'Gossip Girl' recap: Slick Lily
Ongoing confusion surrounding Chuck Bass's parentage has got Nate and Chuck in a tizzy, especially since Nate's still over Lola and thus hasn't got anything going on. Only whoring himself to Diana Payne, to find out who her financial backers are, to find out that "they" are Jack Bass, that Diana probably isn't Chuck's mother, but that Jack Bass probably is, that the nurse we keep running into has apparently the mental stability of an Ivy Dickens and thus keeps lying about everything, and that Diana Payne didn't exist until three years ago, when crazy old ****ing Elizabeth Fischer and Jack Bass last schemed their parental schemes. I would have been fine with leaving it at Diana and Jack, but no. Apparently we gotta toggle the Elizabeth switch one more stupid time.
Everything else is Lily. Relatively unrepentant about the Rufus stuff from last week, she's paid off CeCe's nurse to lie about Ivy by breakfast, overturning the will and making Ivy act even crazier. Serena "just happens" to walk by, like happens on this show, while William is having lunch with his other daughter, and a quick visit to plump- and loose-lipped Nate reveals the big truth: That Serena has a mysterious half-sister!