'Gossip Girl' recap: "Tim Burton Is Not Art."

gossip-girl-leighton-meester-blake-lively-s4-320.jpgAgainst the steady drumbeat of Gossip Girl's nonstop avalanche of secrets from Blair's diary, the whole cast moves themselves into new positions and alignments. Nothing is true and everything is up for grabs and the shippers are melting down and the whole thing is just a glorious trainwreck on fire. I haven't been this proud since the time everybody on the show turned into Serena at the same time and she got etherized and kidnapped.

The big party at the end of the episode is for the Shepherd Divorce, which everybody knows was the same wedding six years ago that sent Nate into Serena's arms for a public boning, and eventually led to Serena killing a guy and running away to boarding school. Meanwhile, Chuck plans a big press conference for his father's return to the land of the living, and Lola is presented with her mother's half of the Rhodes estate.

In the end, Lola is pissed off enough by the latest Lily/Carol bull**** that she signs her money over to Ivy, on one condition: They use part of it to take Lily down. It's a nice landing place for both girls... Especially since Lily has icily annulled her marriage to Rufus and chosen Bart Bass for her husband! Maximum crazy for next year!

Blair sends her minions out to make amends for every terrible thing she's ever said, but after she adds to this a plan to destroy Serena from the ground up, S has no choice but to co-opt the Plastics into a plan of her own. Seems Dan's the latest one to present Blair with a big Empire State Building ultimatum: Meet him at the Shepherd Divorce and be coerced into declaring her love, or it's over.