Welcome back to "Gossip Girl," where Blair's life is still musical chairs: romance edition, Dan's sideburns are still eating his face and Chuck reverted back to his "Pilot" ways. You know Chuck; He's got to fulfill his yearly attempted rape quota. Stay classy, Bass.
We weren't exactly fans of this episode, but it's still "Gossip Girl," our ultimate guilty pleasure, so we did enjoy parts of it. (See: Nate finally pointing out that Blair and Chuck's relationship is not normal. So dumb, yet so wise.)
Enough Nate-gushing for now.., here are our top 10 moments and quotes from "Gossip Girl's" episode 21, "The Princesses and the Frog":
10. "Gossip Girl" Word Count Winner
Eric. We were too lazy/not paying enough attention to count how many words he spoketh. Can't Eric start doing the "Gossip Girl" voice-overs? He's so much wittier and could use the extra screen-time. Are we right or are we right?
Also, Eric's collection of plaid shirts is endless. Dan should check to see if any shirts are missing from his closet/the rack of clothes outside the loft's door. (In case you didn't know, the Humphreys used to be so poor, they didn't have enough room inside their loft for all their ratty, second-hand, Jenny Humphrey-made clothes. Sad panda.)
9. Of course, Blaine from "Pretty in Pink" directed this episode
As soon as we saw that shot of Chuck from the point of view of the hanging lights in his suit, we asked, 'Who directed this 'indie' college film?" No less than a minute later we learned it was Andrew McCarthy a.k.a Blaine a.k.a. "That's a major appliance, that's not a name!" No wonder he shot it from the lights, he is still bitter about that dig against appliances.
Seriously, the camera angles for all of Chuck's scenes were insane. We felt like we were on a bender with Chuck, which is maybe what they were going for. Still, it didn't work and felt very forced. We know that Chuck is a wreck right now, we don't need the camera telling us he's a mess. Then again, when has "GG" ever been subtle?
8. Speaking of wannabe-indie, Rufus gotz a job! Waffles on the house!
Rufus is hanging up his butler suit, y'all! Or at least putting it away until Lily asks him to break it out in the bedroom. Sorry for ruining your breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next week.
Rufus is now going to be managing Panic! At the Disco. Well, he keeps saying Panic and we're not sure it's actually that Panic, but we're just going with it because it's something "Gossip Girl" would totally do.
7. It took Kate Middleton EIGHT years, Blair. SIT DOWN.
Blair has been dating Louis for like, three days, and thinks she already should be accepted by the Monaco Royal family. Fairy tales are called fairy tales for a reason.
Blair needs to stop being "that girl." You know her: The girl who whines when her boyfriend leaves, uses a baby voice around said boyfriend, believes her life is a fairy tale and decides to marry someone after dating for THREE
MINUTES. Blair, we know you are not this girl, so please, stop being this girl. Do we need to slap a headband on your head again to make you remember who you are?
6. Bart Bass had an affair with Avery Thorpe, Raina's mother
In unrelated news: WHEN WILL THIS STORYLINE BE OVER?
5. Charlie is adapting SO well
She's already using BING. Next thing you know she'll be doing shots of Vitamin Water while ordering clothes from Gilt Group on her AT&T phone.
When we heard Charlie wanted to speak to Vanessa alone after V "sabotaged" Rufus' dinner, we thought she would have slapped her, pulled out her hair extensions, ripped out her belly button ring, killed her... not tell her exactly what she did and why. Amp up your crazy, Charlie! Georgina is coming back soon and there's only room for one crazy Non-Blair b-tch on this show and Georgie got Dan to believe Milo (the monkey-hat wearing wonder) was his son. Make us proud.
4. Dan = Ace
In one episode, he called Rufus "Jeeves" and "The Fonz."
Dan Humphrey IS Twitter.
3. Serena Van Der Woodsen is turning into Adrianna Tate-Duncan
It's like the "GG" writers were mad "90210" had the worst friend ever on their show (#dieinafireadrianna) and decided to put one of their characters up for election: Serena Van Der Woodsen.
Serena called Louis' mother to sabotage Blair's relationship. Serena sent all of Blair's dirty laundry to Louis' mother to destroy her chances. She defended Chuck after that disgusting display at the party.
Also, we're just kidding. Serena could never be as awful as Adrianna.
Yes, we are ashamed we still watch "90210." Judge us good.
2. Meanwhile, Chuck is the worst human being in the history of human beings. Ever.
Listen up, ladies. Here's a lesson that will save you a lot of grief in your love life later: Never under any circumstances trust a man who barely can grow facial hair. See: Spencer Pratt.
There's really no excuses for Chuck Bass anymore. If you are going to defend Chuck's behavior in this episode you really need a Sassy Gay Friend to saucily tell you to look at your life and look at your choices.
In this episode, he embarrassed Blair, degraded her, scared her, forced himself on her and then physically hurt her. This is not a man you're supposed to be rooting for.
We really tried to understand the reasoning of people wanting Blair and Chuck back together. We really did, but this... this is going too far. We get that Chuck is a fictional character, but real people are romanticizing his behavior and that ain't kosher.
Random: There is a motorcycle chilling in Chuck and Nate's foyer. WHAT IS THIS SHOW?! When Chuck punched the glass, we fully expected Nate to hop on the hog and run Chuck over. Alas, this is television and not our dreams.
1. Screw Chair, Derena, Dair, Darlie and Naina! Where's Date?!
OK, so it took four seasons to get some Dan and Blair goodness, which has basically been forgotten by the writers already. Everyone seems to forget that it also took four long, arduous seasons to get Dan and Nate's bromance off the ground.
When's the last time they interacted? Was it only earlier this season Dan was calling out Nate's name in the middle of the night and Nate was scribbling Mrs. Dan Humphrey on his notebook (which they denied, of course)?
Seriously, we need a normal, healthy relationship/friendship on this show STAT. Right now, everyone is losing their minds/sh-t/window glass/etc. Season 1, such a simpler time. We miss it.
1. (Part deux!)
VANESSA IS LEAVING AT THE END OF THE SEMESTER TO STUDY ABROAD! See ya on the flipside, V! We won't be having any perogis in your honor.
What did you think of last night's "Gossip Girl" episode, Zappers? Are you still on Chuck's side and if so, WHY? Do you think Blair will actually marry Prince Louis? Will Serena and Blair be able to repair their fractured (again) friendship?
Photo/Video credit: The CW