'Harper's Island': Thrack, splack, sizzle

Chrisgauthier_harpersisland_290 We spend a lot of time in flashbacks this week on "Harper's Island" and I have a great who's-the-killer theory to run past you guys.

Burning Love (flashbacks)
Seven years ago, Abby and Jimmy were planning a "camping trip" (read: sex romp) when there was the Wakefield-planned explosion at the marina. It was a diversion so Wakefield could snatch Abby's mom. When Abby finds her house door open and her mom gone, she goes into the woods to look for her after hearing screams. In the woods, she sees Wakefield use a head spade to kill some man begging for his life. Her gasp alerts Wakefield to her presence, but Jimmy drives by and distracts Wakefield so that she can run for it, which is when she found her mom hanging from the tree. Later, in a fit of anger Sheriff Mills said to Abby that maybe his wife got what she deserved.

Disco Inferno (present)
Abby
helps Trish work through her grief by taking her to talk to her dad at the morgue. Burnt-Faced Deputy surprises Abby at her house to tell her that Wakefield came to the island in the first place to get revenge on her father. Abby confronts her father and Sheriff Mills confesses that Abby's mom and Wakefield were a couple when she was young and she ran away from him to the island. Sheriff Mills sicced his deputies on Wakefield and then got him locked up for attempted murder of a police officer.

In other news, Sheriff Mills and Henry search JD's room and find Uncle Marty's cell phone, so they arrest him after chasing him through the woods. Malcolm gets caught by Danny and Sully trying to smuggle the money out of the hotel and has to explain about Booth. Malcolm takes the money down to the incinerator to burn it and gets shoved inside. Finally, Madison gets a note and goes into a room at the Inn and the door slams behind her.

Burning Down the House (who died)
Sneaky Malcolm Ross

Eternal Flame (how they died)
Malcolm was roasted, toasted and burnt to a crisp.

Burnin' for You (gruesome scale)
The sounds of Malcolm getting sliced and diced, then the shot of his bloody hand grabbing the incinerator were pretty chilling. 8 out of 10.

Old Flame (hope you die next)
It's actually the first episode I don't hate Sully, so there is that. JD Dunn is really grating on my nerves.

She Keeps the Home Fires Burning (best scare)
When Abby was walking in the flower garden, the gardener with the electric pruner made me jump about a foot. Similarly, Burnt-Faced Deputy sneaks up on her on her porch and makes me jump again. Finally, Madison going into the room calling, "Daddy" and the door slamming shut was very creepy.

Fire Water Burn (favorite lines)
Abby: Do you ever think about what would've happened if I didn't leave?
Jimmy: Between us? Probably would've done a helluva lot of camping.

Sunset Grill (lead suspects)
Okay, here's my theory. Jimmy Mance and Wakefield are working together. Jimmy didn't distract Wakefield by accident that day, he is his accomplice. Also, Abby is Wakefield's daughter. I further think that possibly Jimmy is Wakefield's son, because I think that would be extra twisted, but I don't actually think the show went that direction. Phew, I've been wanting to espouse that theory for 7 weeks now!

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes (weekly death roster)
Cousin Ben: this was no boating accident
Uncle Marty: bridge to tear-in-halfia
Reverend Fain: someone should've given him a heads up
Kelly Seaver: you hang in there, buddy
Lucy Daramour: what a little firecracker!
Hunter Jennings: he lost the face-off
Joel Booth: he's got a leg up
Thomas Wellington: what a splitting headache
Richard Allen: you give love a bad name

Malcolm Ross: that money is burning a hole in his pocket