'Hell's Kitchen' recap: Screw Your Courage to the [BLEEP]ing Post

gordon-ramsay-hells-kitchen.jpgOh, hello! Daniel is on assignment (whatever that means) so I'll be your Hell's Kitchen recapper this week. I'm Montykins. You might remember me from that time I recapped this show for four seasons. And this last weekend, I met Keckler, who was the recapper before me. That's not really relevant, but I thought it was neat. Look, we'll have plenty of time to talk about dummies undercooking the risotto once the show starts. That's still what Hell's Kitchen is mostly about, right? That and Gordon Ramsay pretending to be surprised that the awful people still can't cook?

Let's see... I see we're no longer doing the Bleep-O-****ing-Meter, where we track everyone's cursing to see whether Ramsay out-bleeps the cooks. I realize I have the power to reinstate it while I'm here, but I'm kind of glad it's gone. It required more bookkeeping than this show really merits.

Okay, enough stalling. Let's get to work.

According to the Previouslies, two women dislike each other and one of the guys successfully recognized the taste of scallops. Then there was a bunch of other stuff that I kind of zoned out on. Those episodes were recapped. If you're so curious about what happened in them, go read about them. I'm not going to live in the past. Seriously, though, these Previouslies are taking forever. This is allegedly going to be the "most intense dinner service yet," which seems unlikely.