'House' recap: Basic Training

house-open-and-shut.jpgIt's Abuse Martha Week for the patients, as the first, a juvenile delinquent boot camp trainer, becomes psychotic and tries to strangle her, and the second, one of the juvenile delinquents, steals her car keys. Both patients are suffering from the same symptoms, due to a genetic disease. It's no coincidence that they both have it, as it turns out that the juvenile delinquent is actually the trainer's long-lost son, unbeknownst to said delinquent.

As bad as things are for Martha, though, they're worse for Chase, whose "Faceplace" account is hacked by someone with access to a naked picture of him, his cell phone number, and his credit card info. She uses this information to change his profile picture to a naked photo that has been altered to make his penis look very, very small, his status update giving out his phone number to any interested large women, and charge his credit card with a large donation to the Chairman of the Board's charity as a wedding present.

Chase suspects one of the three women he slept with at the wedding, but ultimately it ends up not being any of them, but one of their sisters who didn't appreciate the way Chase ditched her when he found out she wouldn't sleep with him on the first date. Clearly, she is a psychopath, so he probably lucked out there. Finally, Cuddy wants her kid to get into an exclusive preschool, but since Rachel is stupid, House tries to secretly train her so she'll ace the entrance exam playdate thing. She does, but still doesn't get into the preschool. She may, however, have won a place in House's heart.