'Jersey Shore' finale: Snooki's last situation

A-Snooki-Mike-Jersey-Shore-MTV-Recap-320.jpgThe " Jersey Shore" finale was strikingly devoid of all the crazy things that made this first foray at "The Shore" so infamous. There were no trash bags, grenades, or fights. OK, the Jacuzzi did get fired up once for old-times sake. We'll get to that later.
Ronnie has regrets
After last week's one punch knockout, Ronnie gets arrested. Sammi has no idea what to do in order to find Ronnie. They find out his bail will be set in a few hours. In the morning, Ronnie seems instantly regretful that he punched the guy. It's amazingly mature of him to say right after the situation. He bails himself out and Sammi goes to pick him up. Later Mike talks about how awesome that night could have been if the fight never happened. I love that Mike characterizes a night as awesome if there aren't any fights.

Bros before hos
Mike, Pauly and Vinny decide to get some girls together for one last night of creepin' at "The Shore." Mike starts doing his regular round of trash bag calls and he gets nowhere. Mike, Seaside Heights trash bags have been on to you for weeks now! The guys then decide to have a guy's night out (as if they had a choice).

They decide to hang out at an arcade. It's cool that they are really bonding and talking about the friendship they've built during the summer. I was sure "Bro's Night" really meant "Searching for Hos night." Didn't you?

Snookin' for love
Snooki wants a date for her last night. She decides to ask Cowboy Keith, the non-guido she has been hanging out with the last few weeks. After she debates how to ask a guy out, she ends up leaving an awkward message for him.

Meanwhile, Jenni discovers that "gorilla juiceheads" have come in for Labor Day and runs home to get Snooki. When they hit the beach, though, the gorilla juiceheads have gone extinct; they're nowhere to be found. Snooki once again gets nothing.

Guess what? There's a beach!
I know we haven't seen much of the beach, since the cast is usually sleeping during the day or getting their GTL on. Finally, the roomies decide to go to the beach as a group. Of course, Mike starts hitting on anything in a bikini right away. His trash bags are leaning pretty young.

Snooki leaves early to call Cowboy Keith about the date and it becomes clear that he's just not that into her. Not wanting to sulk inside, she decides to hit the boardwalk. She then loses it and starts dancing on the boardwalk by herself while people stare at her. She soaks it up. Soon, she realizes that her ex-boyfriend, who she still has feelings for, has been watching her from a rooftop party. She asks him to come down, but he refuses. That bums her out even further. Poor Snooks!

Mike finds Snooki crying later that night at the house and he and the guys try to cheer her up. Later, Mike and Snooki find themselves in the hot tub. You know what that means. Oh, boy. There's a lot of tongue action going on. Snooki must have some French in her (or she does now).

Sammi & Ronnie
"The Shore" sweethearts go out on a date outside Seaside Heights. That's smart. After all, they can't seem to avoid a fist pumping in town. It's pretty clear that the guy who once said you never fall in love at "The Shore," is now deeply in love with this chick. He talks about her getting more beautiful every time he sees her. Wow. Ronnie is a goner.

The roomies have a house BBQ and it's nice to see them laughing about the dramatic things that have happened that summer, even J-WOWW's backhand to Mike in Atlantic City. Later, they have a really touching conversation in the house and it's the kind of moment you know can never happen again like your last day at 6th grade camp or something. We then watch the crew leave and MTV plays some very sappy montages, including the better times between Sammi and Ronnie. Is Mike having a teary-eyed situation?

Quotable quotes from "The Shore":

  • "I see a bunch of gorilla juiceheads. Tall, completely jacked, steroid, multiple growth hormone. That's the type I'm attracted to." - J-WOWW (on her high standards for men)

  • Vinny: "If Pauly didn't get a date, then I don't feel bad. He's like ridiculously, ridiculously good looking."
     Pauly: "You've got good taste in men."
     - Vinny and Pauly (having a brief bromance)

  • "Down here at 'The Shore,' one minute you got three girls in the jacuzzi, the next minute somebody's in jail and you have to bail them out. That's what happens down at 'The Shore.'" - Mike (reminiscing)

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Photo Credit: MTV