'Jersey Shore' recap: About Last Night...
The morning after, 7:00 AM. Snooki wakes up with a face that can only be translated as, "Where am I? What have I done? Who am I?" The slide that flashes across the screen reads, "BIG MISTAKE." In the throes of a freak-out, Snooki wakes up JWOWW to go get breakfast with her. JWOWW innocently thinks Snooki passed out in the living room, so Snooki has to say it out loud. She claims she doesn't care, but you know her stomach is doing cartwheels right now. And there's more of that to come as JWOWW reports that The Situation told all the roommates that Snooki went down on him some time in the fuzzy past. Snooki cannot contain her reaction as she screams, "CRAZY PANTS! YOU'RE CRAZY PANTS!" I think I'm just going to start walking down the street yelling that out on occasion.
Sitch walks in and obliviously asks, "Why is there so much screaming going on?" Oh boy. Snooki tells him to get out because she's disgusted by what he said. He insists he didn't say anything. Roll the tape, editors! He gets extremely defensive, shouting at her to talk to him first. Then he brushes it off and says they're not friends. Her response: "Then get the **** out of my room." In an interview, Sitch likens Snooki to a fugitive and himself to an informant. I think he should be the fugitive. He's sure got the FUG part down. Snooki snatches up JWOWW for some bitchery over mimosas.
After they leave, Sitch decides he needs to teach Snooki a lesson. He calls his boy (whose name is The Unit -- don't even get me started...) to confirm his version of events. Snooki already admitted that she watched her friend Ryder get with Unit ("and it was hot by the way"), but did Unit watch Snooki going down on Sitch? Because that's skank nasty. OMG, y'all, the start of the conversation is epic. Sitch: "Yo, yo, yo. You know when you were bangin' Snooki's friend Ryder? Somehow that story got out..." Somehow? Like by your own lips? The Unit, of course, takes great pleasure in Sitchy's reminiscing and doesn't really say much one way or another. Sitch interviews, "Snooki turned from four-foot-nine to about two-foot-nine, you know what I'm saying?" Wow, I really hope I can land a guy like Sitch one day. He's so eloquent and discreet.