'Jersey Shore' recap: Reunited, And It Feels So... Gawd!
First package: The kids return from Italy, at which point Deena declared herself, "like a hamster in heat," and Pauly burnt off at least three layers of his epidermis in the tanning bed. A fall-down-drunk return to Karma acts as the editor's equivalent of a Snooki blackout and suddenly we've cut to the last episode, when thunder and lightning began to roll in. I'm sure this could be interpreted as some sort of symbolism for the tragedies about to befall the Shore kids in real life. Yes, I'm counting an unexpected pregnancy as a tragedy. A baby will really **** up your buzz!
After the package, Paffrath asks Deena, "How excited is a hamster in heat?" Oh dear sweet god, if this is the level of questioning we're going to encounter all night... ugh. Deena admits she was horny because she came back from Italy, where there no guys she liked -- at least none that weren't engaged in some weird biting fetish with their sisters. Ronnie snarks, "You had girls." Meatball mash-up! She grabs Snooki for a hug, and you can already tell Snooki has moved on. The face she's making screams, "Awkward!" If not, her smush-**** do. While Deena was excited to return to "normal-sized American guys" (and penises, as The Situation infers), Snooki was excited to return to her brethren nut jobs at Karma, not to mention peeing in bushes.