Late-night comics kick Osama Bin Laden while he's dead
Unlike most of us, they had a bigger platform to make jokes about the Al Qaeda leader's demise. A sampling of the best lines from around the late-night spectrum Monday night, including a few where the various hosts and their writers had similar ideas:
'The Tonight Show with Jay Leno'
"It looks like President Obama has a new campaign slogan: 'Yes I did.'"
"Before they made the announcement, the White House wanted to be absolutely certain that it was Bin Laden. In fact, do you know who they brought in to do the DNA test? Maury Povich."*
(* Jimmy Fallon also did a version of that joke, joking that the DNA testing would be "the best episode of Maury Povich ever.")
'The Late Show with David Letterman'
"They're very clever -- the CIA, these guys know what they're doing. They got into the compound -- they had a guy pose as a Domino's kid."
"There's already some trouble for Osama in the afterlife. There was a mixup ... he was greeted by 72 vegans."
Letterman also devoted his Top 10 list to the "final words of Osama Bin Laden." No. 2: "I need a house full of Navy SEALs like I need a hole in the head."
"Osama Bin Laden is dead, which means that the official No. 1 threat to America is the KFC Double Down."
" George W. Bush said, 'Wait a minute -- I could've used seals? I thought about penguins ..."*
(*Leno made a similar joke, substituting Sarah Palin for the former president.)
"President Obama was on 'Oprah' today ... but it was taped last week. During the taping you can see Oprah give Obama the order to get rid of Bin Laden."
'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart'
Among the various on-screen headers for Bin Laden's death: "Underwater Boss," "To Kill a Mockingturd" and "Extremist Home Makeover."
"I suppose I should be expressing some ambivalence about the targeted killing of another human being, and yet -- no. I just want details. What look did he give when he realized the helicopters up above were not, in fact, giving traffic and weather updates? Do you think he pulled a Culkin?"
"The guy's out there preaching suicide bombings and jihad, pretending like he's Gandalf wandering the frontier, and all the while he's living like one of the 'Real Housewives of Orange County.'"
'The Colbert Report'
"I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl ... who just shot Osama Bin Laden in the eye."
"I am just so happy. I hope never again to be this happy over someone's death. I'm sure if I saw myself in a mirror, I'd be appalled by the look on my face. [Looks in mirror] Nope -- I like this."
'Late Night with Jimmy Fallon'
"If you watched 'Celebrity Apprentice' last night, it was just crazy. ... Apparently Star Jones and Nene Leakes got so out of control that they ended up killing Osama Bin Laden."
"It turns out his 72 virgins were just some dudes watching 'Game of Thrones' on HBO."
'Jimmy Kimmel Live'
"I'm in a very good mood -- did you hear what happened last night? What an episode of 'Khloe and Lamar.'"
"I think this was the first Twitter death rumor that turned out to be true."
"The name on the mailbox was a red flag [picture of mailbox]. It said Al Q. Aeda."*
(*Letterman also did a mailbox joke, with the name "O. Bin Laden" on it.)
'The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson'
" Dick Cheney said he hasn't been this happy since he saw the YouTube video of the girl tossing puppies into a river."
"It was like a 10-year game of Where's Waldo. Slightly better, though, because when you find him, you get to storm his compound and put a cap in his a**."