'Law & Order SVU': John Stamos showcases his sleazy side

stamos-SVU.jpgFull disclosure: I've never watched an episode of "Law & Order" in my entire life. Not one. And frankly I never had any plans to. That is until... John Stamos guest-starred! That's right -- there's no way your resident expert on all things Stamos, aka me, the other Stamos, was going to miss one of Uncle Jesse's primetime TV appearances. And what an appearance it was! Due to the graphic nature of the episode (is "Law & Order: SVU" always this twisted?) this isn't going to be a "Stamos on Stamos" on par with the reviews of John as Dr. Carl on "Glee," but let's take a look at how he fared showing his serious side.

The episode was pretty Stamos-heavy, and from the get-go the former Uncle Jesse showed his sleazy side as a "reproductive abuser" -- a guy who's obsessed with impregnating women (blech!). As rich guy Ken Turner, Stamos excelled at simultaneously playing dumb and playing creep. It was fun to see Stamos in this sort of role, as a Wall Street smooth-talker who relies on his charm to coerce women into sleeping with him, and thanks to some shady business of poking holes in condoms he impregnates more than a few. At first Detectives Elliot Stabler (Chris Meloni) and Olivia Benson (Mariska Hargitay) thought it was about 20 women who'd given birth to his children and then it was revealed the number was more than twice that  -- 47! This dude fathered 47 kids! Yeah that qualifies as a reproductive abuser alright -- and also -- that's messed up! I miss Uncle Jesse!

Stamos showcased some great acting, especially during an interrogation scene with Chris Meloni when he talked about his natural male urge to procreate. Ken Turner was definitely sick in the head, thinking he made the world a better place with his progeny. During this exchange we got one of Stamos' best lines, "I'm an Aztec leader of 4000 concubines." In your dreams, Uncle Jesse.

Fortunately, creepy Ken didn't last long -- because about 45 minutes in (SPOILER ALERT!) Stamos' character showed up dead, filleted like a fish by a scuba diving knife. The ending was really something, so much so that John Stamos himself tweeted a picture of the final scene this morning.

Let's see if we can apply John's "L&O: SVU" appearance to the Stam-O-s-Meter (patent permanently pending):


Perfectly coiffed as always ... although, on further inspection, it's almost too perfectly coiffed. Maybe that was a sign? Now, I don't know a lot about how this show works, but that fresh 'do sure screams creepy baby-maker to me!


At this point I've grown so accustomed to his casual cool on "Glee" or the iconic style he defined as Uncle Jesse, so seeing him dressed as Ken Turner was a surprise. But once again, Stamos rocked every look with ease -- even those weird nerd-hipster glasses he sported to better poke the hole in the condom (again -- blech!)


"My boyfriend was here. But he would never take the baby! He's a rich guy -- he's a high class man as you would say." Okay, fine it wasn't Stamos who uttered that line and rather the baby's nanny Imelda, but it's a pretty hilarious descriptor of someone "rich and therefore unlikely to steal babies." Ken Turner unfortunately did not feel the same way about the nanny, tossing her aside with "Imelda is there for great sex -- she's not really nanny material."  Then of course there's the Aztec line referenced above -- so all in all this episode was jam-packed with one-liners for Stamos, but mostly because he was playing one bigtime creep who had a lot of creepy stuff to say.


Uh. Yeah. This "Law & Order" show is definitely not "Glee."

Wild Card

Perfect 10

Final score

John Stamos played a creepy jerk who coerced women into getting pregnant and then ended up dead (good riddance!) -- and while this certainly was not how we're accustomed to seeing the man grace our TV screens, he dove into the role and really sold it -- so I think we'll have to reward him with a final tally of Epic Stamos.

What did you guys think? Did you like seeing John Stamos take on a different role or would you prefer to see him in lighter fare? Anyone still holding out for a Dr. Carl reappearance on Glee? And now that he's completed what seems to be this television season's run of guest-starring roles, what do you want to see next from Stamos? Personally, I'd love to see him competing in some sort of reality competition show -- maybe one where he and another Stamos travel the country and compete in bizarre local competitions to constantly outcool each other -- think "Stamos vs. Stamos: Road Trip America!" That sounds epic, right? Right? Just me?

Photo/Video credit: NBC