Lindsay Lohan's 'Labor Pains' due out on cable? Pass the epidural!

Lindsaylohan Lindsay Lohan's not-so-hotly anticipated new movie, "Labor Pains," is headed straight to cable.

C'mon, try not to laugh.  Nu Image/Millennium Films, has confirmed that the comedy will premiere on ABC Family in July 2009. It will be released on DVD about a month later.

Lohan plays a young woman who fakes being pregnant to save herself from being fired. She must then keep the lie going for nine months. High-larious, huh?

Us Weekly reports that this is the latest stinker from the star, whose last movie efforts include the critically panned indie "Chapter 27" and the Razzie-winning "I Know Who Killed Me." She also briefly appeared on ABC's "Ugly Betty," playing -- surprise -- a mean girl.

You realize -- of course -- that this is all your fault, not Lindsay's.

This week, Lindsay actually complained, "If people would just leave my personal life alone –- because it's really not that interesting –- then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting."

Isn't Lindsay the one getting in constant very public fights with her lesbian girlfriend, running for sanctuary in the wee hours to Jack Nicholson's home, and getting into a car wreck recently?

How is this our fault? And who are her "sicko fans"? Does she even have any fans left?

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Photo: Lindsay Lohan used to have a Hollywood career. And she lost it because of her "sicko fans." Credit: WireImage