Lindsay Lohan's Oprah Winfrey interview live blog: I've done cocaine 10 to 15 times

lindsay-lohan-oprah-own-interview.jpg Lindsay Lohan has led a troubled adulthood, but her recent stint in rehab seems to have set her on the straight and narrow. But is she really better? The one person who is sure to be able to find the answer is Oprah Winfrey, who interviewed Lohan for an "Oprah's Next Chapter" segment on OWN.

A teaser of the interview shows Oprah leveling some pretty hefty questions at Lohan, but the answers have yet to be revealed -- until tonight, that is. The interview airs on OWN at 9 p.m. ET, so join Zap2it as the world find out what Lohan has to say for herself after her three months in rehab. All times Eastern.

8:55 p.m. - A teaser for the interview just aired. There's a lot riding on this for Lindsay.

9:00 p.m. - This segment starts with a flashback to LiLo promoting "The Parent Trap," and shows her downward spiral through to today. It's sad looking back at how troubled her teens and 20s have been.

9:03 p.m. - Lindsay's intention is to "just be me" and have an open conversation during this interview. She looks poised and clear after four days out of rehab. She says she feels "really good."

9:04 p.m. - Little over a minute in and there are already tears in Lindsay's eyes. She says she first entered herself into rehab after she tried Ambien. She's been in rehab six times in total.

9:06 p.m. - Lindsay recalls the moment she learned she was going to jail. She says it was "terrifying."

9:08 p.m. - The big revelations start coming. Lindsay admits she subconsciously "kind of wanted to go to jail," "just to find some peace." She felt "shame" and "guilt" at having to go to jail.

9:10 p.m. - "It's always such a circus when I go to court. It's so humiliating," Lindsay admits. She says it draws focus back to her being a "celebrity who's troubled." When it came time for her to go back to rehab this most recent instance, she says she hit a wall, and it helped to "take these three months to really take care of myself, find myself."

9:15 p.m. - Back after a commercial break. Oprah and Lindsay are discussing what rehab means to her. "I think in the past I've never really surrendered to the fact I just need to shut up and listen," Lindsay says. This time, she did. She says she's "craving spirituality," whereas in the past she was "guarded" and "in denial."

9:16 p.m. - "All I can do is live in each moment," Lindsay says. "I don't have control over tomorrow."

9:17 p.m. - Lindsay says what she's learned most is how to ground herself, and that she doesn't need "outside substances" to experience herself. 

9:17 p.m. - Lindsay admits she's an addict, and says alcohol is her drug of choice. She says she's done cocaine 10 to 15 times, mostly with alcohol. Alcohol is her gateway drug.

9:17 p.m. - She did cocaine because "it allowed me to drink more." Lindsay's cocaine consumption of choice is snorting it. "I've never injected anything other than getting B12 shots," she says with a laugh.

9:18 p.m. - Lindsay says she's spent the past three months healing so she can be a whole person again. She's now talking about her troubled childhood with her "chaotic" family.

9:19 p.m. - Oprah asks Lindsay if she's addicted to chaos, and Lindsay says that might be so. She liked the "comfortable chaos," and it's hard for her to come to terms with just being okay.

9:20 p.m. - So what's different this time? "Not taking Adderall," Lindsay says. "That's a big deal. ... I don't need it." She's only on vitamins now, and she says she feels much calmer.

9:22 p.m. - "I have to regain the trust of people in my career," Lindsay says. She thinks she can turn her career around. Here's the "I'm my own worst enemy" line shown in the teaser.

9:26 p.m. - Another commercial break over. Lindsay moved to Los Angeles at age 17 or 18 after "Mean Girls," and says it was around then that she started spiraling out of control. She didn't notice then that people were around "for the wrong reasons."

9:28 p.m. - Lindsay wasn't being guided in her late teens; she was making too much money ($7 million per picture) and spending what she describes as too much money. No one was there to help her learn how to handle things.

9:30 p.m. - She ignored her family when they said she should move back to New York when things started to go bad. She says she "didn't want to face ... a lot of things that were going on." Her first DUI was "scary," but not a wakeup call. Neither was the time she spent in jail.

9:34 p.m. - Hah, there's a Cliffside Malibu commercial. Well played, Cliffside. Well played.

9:35 p.m. - We're back. Oprah asks Lindsay what's causing her "disease," Lindsay says it's "lack of self-will," she didn't want to feel great. Now, she says she "feels whole again." 

9:36 p.m. - "I have such a desire to want to keep this feeling and stay that way, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes," Lindsay says. "I really want to be on set. That feeds me."

9:37 p.m. - Oprah talking about women who became famous for simply walking the red carpet and have "no talent." Wonder who she's talking about ...

9:39 p.m. - "I've always known things about myself. I've just chosen to not recognize them and not act on them," Lindsay says of what she's learned. "I've always been aware of my faults. ... I've lived so many lives in one lifetime at this point, and it's not interesting to me anymore."

9:41 p.m. - "Nobody's perfect. I love my parents," Lindsay says of her seemingly troubled relationship with her family. She addresses the voicemail her father released where she claimed Dina Lohan was on cocaine, which she's later revealed was a lie.

"She wasn't out of control. I was more out of control. It was a bad mother/daughter fight," Lindsay says. "I said a lot of things that were not true that I was saying spitefully. ... I was acting out, and I was acting like a crazy person, so I knew what was the one thing that would really trigger her and set her off and hurt her. I wasn't thinking clearly. ... I was really ashamed by that."

She says she wishes people would take the blame of her downward spiral off of her parents, because she blames herself. "I don't think anything was intentionally done in that way," Lindsay says. "They're just parents, really, at the end of the day."

9:49 p.m. - To the people who say Lindsay has already had too many chances, she says, "There's something to be said about me going forward that if I'm going to put myself in a public situation, that's open season for people to say whatever they're going to say. ... I can control not putting myself there."

9:50 p.m. - "If people only knew the real parts of the real sides of things and were open to hearing that. Because that's not interesting," Lindsay says. "Me really trying to be happy and accepting that I'm happy now, that's boring. ... That's really frustrating, and I can't control that. I can control staying on my path of recovery."

9:51 p.m. - Her "path of recovery" is "staying present."

9:56 p.m. - Lindsay talks "The Canyons." She says she was "grateful" to just be on set for that movie. Apparently the reason she was never on time to sets in the past was because she was "distracted" and didn't appreciate either her own time or others' time.

9:57 p.m. - Now Oprah is talking about Lindsay's new OWN docu-series. Oprah is concerned that Lindsay is planning to go to Europe so soon after rehab, and Lindsay says the plan is for her brother to join her on a yoga and meditation retreat. Oprah asks if that's the best decision for her at that point in time. "I'm different," Lindsay says. "I feel different. I'm in a different headspace." She promises she won't party, because she doesn't want the things she used to want. Following the interview, Lindsay canceled her trip.

10:00 p.m. - Oprah's final words to Lindsay: "I want you to win." Maybe she will this time. Lindsay has seen sure of herself in the past after rehab and jail experience, but at least now she seems aware enough of her own problems to maybe come out on top of her addiction. Thanks for joining Zap2it on this live blog!
Photo/Video credit: OWN