'Love in the Wild' recap: Midnight at the Oasis

love-in-the-wild.jpgTwo planes fly through some lush mountains. Is this Alive? Are they going to crash and then eat someone? Because I would watch the S*** out of that show. Oh, no. One plane has ten men and one plane has ten women and they are all looking for love. That's a lot more boring than my idea. The host, who reminds me of Charlie from Lost, all manic energy and accent, explains that these people have tried all kinds of dating: internet dating, blind dating. ALL KINDS. One lady has always dated bad boys and thinks she can change that now without massive therapy. One dude had his engagement "unravel" four months before the wedding. Really? Unravel? I feel like there is more backstory there. But MOVING ON. Another lady claims that there are no single men in San Francisco. I doubt that. Anyway, they're all headed to Costa Rica to do high-adrenaline adventures and fall in love. Well, definitely the former and maybe the latter. All of these women look the same to me: long wavy hair and lots of mascara. I hope they start putting chyrons on with names because I'm never going to be able to keep these people straight.

Now that the planes have landed and everyone is on the ground, the host, Darren, explains the concept. They'll be paired up to compete in adventures, and the winning couple will get a romantic night at The Oasis. I would not be able to stop singing "Midnight at the Oasis" if I were there, which is the most annoying song of all time, so it's a good thing I'm not there. Anyway, the couples will probably totally do it at the Oasis. AND, they get to switch it up at any time, if things aren't working out with their randomly assigned partner. Hmm, that may cause some drama. You think? And finally, after each adventure, one man and one woman will be eliminated and the last couple standing wins a trip around the world. Samantha, a wedding planner, thinks that would "literally be a dream come true" and I can't help but feel that she used literally correctly completely by accident.

The women get to pick their partners first, and have to share a bungalow with that person tonight. Fresh! Dawn is up first. She has unfortunate hair for this adventure. Very curly, and they're in a jungle and will presumably also be in the water at some point. Anyway, she picks some dude named Jared. Some chick named Vanessa, who is a law student, kind of looks like a camel. Her hair is also suffering from the humidity. All these b****** with flatirons are in big trouble. Anyway, she claims that she used to only want hot guys, but now that's not as big of a deal. So she picks the dude who looks like a male model and who claims his name is STEELE. I refuse to believe that's the name his parents gave him. He's a professional golfer ALLEGEDLY. My dad watches a lot of golf and I've never heard of this guy.