'Love in the Wild' recap: Ouch, My Toe

love-in-the-wild.jpgLast week, everyone stayed together and Jason and Jessica went home. The producers were like, "Eff this ess," (I'm assuming they have small children around and thus aren't allowed to use actual swear words) and decided to shake things up this week. And we're promised a dramatic elimination ceremony as well as an ambulance. Well! I had better pop some popcorn and get ready.

As the couples return to their cabins following the ceremonies, we get a quick update. Samantha and Mike: still into each other. Derek is still a tool who promises three bulls-eyes while playing darts and then misses the board entirely three times. He follows up this lackluster performance by trying to get a massage from Jess, and she turns him down, but then makes out with him anyway. Miles and Heather: still into each other. Ben and Brandee: still haven't kissed. And Brandee is upset about this! She should be happy! I love that no one cares about Skip and Theresa. Who and who? Exactly.

Next challenge! The couples have to run to a locked box and figure out the combination, retrieve a map, follow the map to find an artifact, and go to the finish line. There are some twists! The first place couple won't get a guaranteed switch. That doesn't matter since no one wants to switch. BUT, they will be choosing new partners for this adventure. This is kind of horse****. It goes against what the show is supposed to be about. Anyway, Skip chooses Jessica, Ben chooses Samantha, Steele chooses Heather, Derek chooses Erica, Mike chooses Theresa, and Miles chooses Brandee. So now I have to be confused all over again, after I've finally learned everyone's names? Thanks, show.

Derek and Erica get their lock open first and head off to find some crates. Samantha and Ben and Skip and Jess are right behind them. They each have to carry a crate over to a mule, load their rates on the mule, and then lead the mule up a hill. Erica can't carry her crate, so Derek has to carry both of them. This segment is really boring. I mean, if the mule's not going to refuse to move, I don't care. Anyway, once they get to their next stopping point, they have to pry open the crates and then dive off a waterfall or something. Oh, it's just rappelling. Boring.