'Mad Men,' 'Parks and Recreation' and more of TV's best lines from the week of April 21-27
"The Big Bang Theory"
Penny: "We're about to shoot this scene in the movie where the serial killer ape DNA is slowly taking over my body, but I realize they're gluing fur everywhere except my cleavage. So I ask the director why and he says it's important to the story that my boobs be the last thing to turn ape."
Leonard: "[Pause] It's sweet that he thinks there's a story."
Howard: "Lemme get this straight -- so he kills this girl's father, cuts off the guy's face and is wearing it as a mask while he makes out with her?"
Raj: "I'm just gonna say it: That's not OK. ... Why can't I be in a relationship with a girl who likes 'The Sound of Music.'"
Howard: "Raj, you are the girl in the relationship who likes 'The Sound of Music.'"
"Parks and Recreation"
Andy: "Whoa -- Alcatraz. I can't believe Michael Bay spent a billion of his own dollars to build that for 'The Rock.'"
Ben: "I can't believe you were able to recite that entire movie from memory on the plane ride."
Andy: "You weren't trying to sleep, were you? I couldn't tell 'cause you had that mask thing over your eyes."
Ben: "Every time someone clicks through a slideshow of American Music Awards red carpet side-boob fails, they'll say, 'Thank you, Ben.'"
Leslie: "I'm crying out of happiness and sadness and gratitude and because I'm carrying triplets and a fifth reason I can't think of."
Ron: "Playing music is something I like to keep private -- like my family, my conversations and my whereabouts at all times."
Tammy 2: "Just trolling for some daddy. Oh, wait -- I pronounced that wrong. Trolling for some dad D."
"The Good Wife"
Louis Canning: "I may be a scumbag, but hey -- I'm your scumbag."
Angela: "There was literally like 17, 18 guys who could have played Chandler on 'Friends,' right? But Matthew Perry, he did something that none of the others did.
Jim: "Licked your p****?"
Angela: "Like a champ."
Postal worker: "This is highly irregular."
Lorne Malvo: "No, highly irregular is the time I found a human foot in a toaster oven. This is just odd."
Red: "Ah, calculus. I can't even think about derivatives without thinking about that tutor in Manor Hall, Cindy something or other. Never wore a brassiere, always a bounce in her step."
Sally, to Don: "Happy Valentine's Day. I love you."
Sally Draper: "I'd stay here 'til 1975 if I could get Betty in the ground."
"Agents of SHIELD"
Coulson: "I don't know if it's wise, but it's right."
Simmons, on the one object she would take with her to a deserted island: "Let me think -- the TARDIS."
Coulson: "Nothing good ever happens when you're working with something called 'Darkforce.'"
Ward, on Triplett: "I think the guy's OK."
Fitz: "I know, it's terrible. He's a horrible person."
"Game of Thrones"
Tyrion, to Pod: "[Cersei] is the only one I'm certain had nothing to do with this murder, which makes it unique as King's Landing murders go."
Jaime, to Cersei: "You're a hateful woman. Why have the gods made me love a hateful woman?"
The Hound, to Arya: "I just understand the way things are. How many Starks to they have to behead before you figure that out?"