'Melrose Place': Violet is Sydney's daughter!

ashleesimpson_melroseplace_290.jpgTonight on "Melrose Place," we won't be rid of Ashlee Simpson-Wentz just yet, as her character Violet is Sydney's daughter.

Jonah & Riley
Riley and Jonah stay home all day to celebrate their engagement. Bomp chicka wow-wow. Unfortunately they are interrupted by Awesome Ella, who wants Jonah to hang a security camera in the courtyard.

This creates the Dull Couple Tension of the Week when he spies her comforting Auggie on the video. They fight. It's lame. They also spy Violet floating face-down in the pool at 2:00 am, very creepy.

J & R make up (of course) and make me want to barf as much as season one Andrew Shue (yes, Andrew. Not Matthew. I'm a doofus.) and Courtney Thorne-Smith.

David & Ella
Ella finds out there are major layoffs at her firm by the new VP Caleb. He wants to fire her but she convinces him to give her the weekend to land some hot-shot star named Jasper Barnes. I love Ella.

Meanwhile, David is selling not only his stolen art to a dealer for some quick cash but promises to deliver a fancy-schmancy watch that he's going to steal a party the next night. Ella wants to go with David to said party because Jasper Barnes is goign to be there and he balks until Ella reminds him that she's his alibi for Sydney's untimely demise. Pwned.

They show up at the party together, with Ella looking HOT in a white backless dress and white thigh-high boots. I still prefer Katie Cassidy as a brunette, but she's hot either way.  Before she can find Jasper Barnes, though, she runs into Lauren with Rick. DUN DUN DUN.

Ella finds Jasper, though, and wins him over with her cheeky talk and ideas about his overexposure. He basically says if she sleeps with him, he's all hers, so she takes him outside, gets him to drop his pants and takes a picture of his penis. She uses that to teach him some lessons about publicity and then deletes the picture. SO SMOOTH.

Ella finds David and they jump (without much transition at all) into how David grew up poor in a trailer park until he met his dad. That was weird.

Ella heads to work and VP Caleb says he signed Jasper Barnes at Trudy's party because of the whole gay thing, BUT... Jasper wants Ella as his point person. Well done, Ella.

Lauren the Prostitute
Toby (aka Andre or Parker Abrams) hooks Lauren up with more clients before he leaves town. She acts like she won't have sex for money again, but we all know differently. Ella inadvertently pep talks Lauren into doing whatever she has to do to get that MD so she calls Toby's friend Rick.

They run into Ella and David at the fancy party but manage to cover and leave later to have sex. Rick talks about having a connection and seeing each other for real and she acts all standoffish and distant and demands her money. Is it for real? Or is she protecting herself from getting hurt? I suspect the latter.

Violet & Auggie
Auggie has what appears to be a stab wound on his back left shoulder. Hmmm. He hooks Violet up with a hostess gig at Cole, the restaurant where he works (after Ella hooks Violet up with some hipper, sexier clothes).

Auggie is questioned by the police about Sydney and we see via flashback how they met in AA. And ended up sleeping together shortly thereafter. Man, if she slept with Jonah she's got the MP Trifecta. Anyway, he confesses to Sydney that his former girlfriend was killed because of him. Auggie started a fight with a guy at a bar and Danine got stabbed and bled out right in front of him. Sydney helps him stay sober but breaks off the relationship so they can take the 12 steps seriously.

The detectives come at Auggie for stabbing a guy to death the night his girlfriend was killed. We find out via flashback that the night of her murder, Sydney was doing massive amounts of coke after David passed out. Auggie says he had to cut the cord once Sydney got back together with Michael Mancini. Sydney says some harsh things to Auggie about his girlfriend's blood on his hands and stabs him in the shoulder during a struggle. Hmmm.

Pool Party
At the end of the episode, all the MPers hang out at a pool-side BBQ and it's all awesome. Until we find out that Violet is Sydney's daughter. DUN DUN DUN. Also: I KNEW IT! The Dutch girl picked me! Not you, me! Holland loves Chandler, thank you Amsterdam, good night!

Except... Sydney says she never had a baby. Hmmmm....  I'll keep tuning in.