'More to Love': Sister Kristian, oh your time has come

kristian-more-to-love.jpgTonight on "More to Love," I get to reference several 80s songs and I am excited.

The day dawns in the Bachelorette Pad with our ladies excited about being in the Top 6. The first date is for Mandy and Kristian. When Kristian hugs Mandy, I am struck by the difference in their sizes. Mandy is NOT a big girl. She's not a size 0, but she's not a big girl. I just don't understand the casting on this show. Is it average women or big women? There's a difference.

Dancing Date
Mandy goes all "My Best Friend's Wedding" on us, proclaiming, "I've got moves you've never seen." Kristian has a great time salsa-ing, but Mandy goes much better with Luke. They have real chemistry together. For one-on-one time, Kristian goes first. She's happy that Luke loves her for her. Oh, blahblahblah.

Mandy comes in to see them kissing and turns around and leaves. She is... crying in the bathroom? Really? Once again she doesn't feel "special" right now. Luke is "pursuing Kristian more." OMG! This is a dating show that started with TWENTY women! What were you expecting, doofus?

Back at the Bachelorette Pad, the four other girls make cupcakes for Luke for when he gets home. Awww. Well, at least they're getting along. 

Luke finds his cupcakes and Kristian is so jealous that she missed out on making him food. Because she's a loon. She got to go dancing with him, but she's clearly envious she missed out on the baked goods.

Solo Date with Malissa
It's a helicopter ride. Nice. They smooch and soar and picnic at a vineyard. That would be great, I'm jealous. They smooch some more but the conversation seems to be a bit lacking. Like they don't have anything to talk about. They then walk around, kiss more on a blanket then go for a tandem bike ride. By some zebras? Huh. The bike brakes and they have to walk it. Haha.

Back at the Bachelorette Pad, Malissa relays her date to the girls. Everybody seems really happy for her but they are all totally jealous. Kristian looks like she just sucked on a lemon. When Malissa says that she's in love, Kristian talking-heads, "How do you KNOW you love him? How do you know? I LOVE LUKE! I LOVE HIM! I WILL STAB YOU IN YOUR SLEEP, MALISSA!"

All this talk of love has the girls worried. Heather is worried that she can't say she loves Luke yet. Oh honey, it's been like a week. You don't have to jump on the cray-cray bandwagon.

Group Date
It's another swimming suit date for Tali, Anna and Heather. They are uncomfortable wearing their suits, but I don't think Anna has anything to be worried about. Luke takes off his shirt and asks them to rub suntan lotion on him. He says "I think the women would probably be excited about slapping some lotion on me." Oh, do you?

Tali takes alone time and expresses her feelings of jealousy about his relationships with the other girls. Luke talks about connections where the details don't matter. So basically it doesn't matter that we know each other at all, let's make out! Smack smack smack.

Anna has alone time and she says she's on the edge and not willing to jump into marriage in a month because when she gets married, that's it. Luke says that's good (duh) and he feels very natural with her.

Heather's alone time has her confessing to be jealous of his alone date with Malissa. Luke is surprised that Heather isn't more confident in their feelings for each other. He points out that she's had more time than any other girl (yes) and then says, "Getting greedy with your Luke Time?" Ugh, he is so gross.

Back at the BP, Kristian says, "He's got a hot body, who wouldn't want to touch that?" Uh... what has two thumbs and wouldn't want to touch that? THIS GIRL.

Cocktail Party
Mandy confesses about her struggle with love being about appearances. She says Luke is genuinely a guy where she hasn't had a second thought about how she looks. Meanwhile, off in the bushes with binoculars (not really but she might as wel be) Kristian is analyzing Luke's body language towards Mandy. Because she's CRAZY.

Heather has some more alone time and starts crying and basically begs to stick around. Oh man, lady. Stop acting like he is your last stop before Spinster City! Loveless Town. Dried Up & Barren Shire!

Anna has some drunky-drunky alone time, slurring that she's attracted to him more than she cares to admit. Whoa, put down the wine Anna.

Kristian then totally trumps drunky by telling Luke "I love you" in three languages. OH MY GOD, WHERE DID THEY FIND THIS GIRL?!?! She says she's truly falling deeply in love with him and he's the most amazing man she's ever met. I put the over/under on "Men Kristian Has Met" at 2. Luke thanks her, but his body language says, "STRANGER DANGER!"

Tali talks to Kristian and is rightly frightened by Kristian's declarations of love. Tali goes to confront Luke about Kristian and his feelings for her. Tali then mushmouths something, I honestly cannot decipher it, no matter how loud I turn up the volume. Luke reassures her to listen to her heart. Listen to your heart, Tali. When he's calling for you. Listen to your heart. There's nothing else you can do. I don't know where you're going and I don't know why but listen to your heart. Before. You tell him. Goodbye.

Heather talking-heads that it's hard for her to find a guy "because I'm a bigger person." DRINK!

Ring Ceremony
Tonight Luke has to let two girls go. I'm betting on Tali and Kristian. Luke gives rings to Anna (yay!),Malissa, Mandy and Tali. Again, she stays and I'm surprised. Well, to quote a terrible episode of Buffy: "Goodbye, Iowa," Heather is going home. Kristian is leaving too. Finally.

They are both bawling but Heather is happy to have gained confidence and she feels so good about herself now and that's awesome. Good for you, Heather! Seriously.

Meanwhile, Kristian says, "I do love you and I wish you the best and I hope you find somebody who cares about you here." She is like sobbing, y'all. Lordy. As she leaves, crying her eyes out, Luke follows her and hugs her and says he cares about her but that what's best for her isn't him and the guy is still out there for her and she'll find him and blahblahblah scriptcakes.

Are there two episodes left or three? Do they do hometown or family visits on this show, like on "The Bachelor?" I certainly hope so. And then we find out in the previews that next week there are families involved. SWEET! Love families.

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