'New Girl' -- 'Santa' recap: Do you believe in love?
And by the end of the episode, you kind of believe in both.
Trimming the tree
After a cranberry-chain food fight, the roommates decide to hit every Christmas party they can on their last night together before Nick ( Jake Johnson) flies home for the holidays (out of San Diego in the middle of the night).
What could possibly go wrong?
"What?" -- Winston
Winston ( Lamorne Morris) got a cranberry stuck in his ear during the holiday-themed food fight. This means that he is now deaf. Sure, such a story is illogical at best (he didn't get cranberries in both ears, after all), but we're talking about a man who still believes in Santa. So go with it.
Anyway, Winston's be-cranberried ear means that he shouts a lot and misses the point of every conversation. This allows Jess ( Zooey Deschanel) to pretend that she's dating Winston when confronted with her ex, Sam ( David Walton).
"I feel like a bird!" -- Jess and Sam
Jess' plans to have a merry night of holiday cheer are thwarted early on when it becomes obvious that Sam is seeking her out. From the lesbian cookie party to the randomly German fancy party, Sam pursues the girl, looking for a second chance to have a relationship.
But Jess doesn't want that. After how she was treated before, it's easy to see how the girl wouldn't be able to believe Sam's new professions of love and commitment.
It's almost too bad that everything from glass doors to Schmidt/CeCe troubles keeps her from escaping altogether.
"Bah humbug, Cecelia!" -- Schmidt and CeCe
Schmidt ( Max Greenfield) is not having a good night. While the prospect of party after party does excite the man, he has two issues. 1) He's Jewish and therefore officially disinterested in the holiday merriment. 2) Jess has invited CeCe ( Hannah Simone) along for the evening.
It doesn't go well. Even though CeCe offers Schmidt a gift (a carbide-titanium bracelet he saw in a movie) and thanks for sharing his feelings, he remains a Grinch. And rightly so! One doesn't exactly get past a profession of love in mere minutes.
"I'll be your reindeer..." -- Nick and Angie
Things are going surprisingly well in the blossoming relationship between Nick and his stripper girlfriend, Angie ( Olivia Munn). There's only one little problem -- she's crazy and wants to have sex more or less in public at the parties. Nick tries to play this cool, but one tumble out of a sleigh and into the fake snow makes it clear that Nick is not so comfortable living life on the wild side.
Are they doomed?
Probably. But not yet. Thanks to a pep talk from Jess, Nick broadcasts his sentiments at the radio Christmas party and then proceeds to regale Angie with the world's most awkward lap dance. Actually, no. That's not accurate. The world's most awkward lap dance comes later, when Schmidt tries to show the others how it's done.
Do you believe in Black Santa?
As Jess drives the gang to yet another party, she begins to question her choice to disbelieve Sam. And when Jess questions something, she does so physically.
The girl's sober-yet-weaving driving method immediately attracts the notice of a police car. When faced with the kindly, bearded, aged African-American cop, Jess breaks down and admits her inability to believe Sam had changed.
That's when we get the Christmas miracle! The cop says he believes Jess and sends the crew on their way. Was that Black Santa?
Sure. Why not? The important thing is that Jess has been inspired to go to the hospital to find and believe Sam. With a little boob flashing and a little enthusiastic (but awful) singing, Jess and Sam come together for a magical, holiday kiss!
I give them maybe two episodes when the show returns in 2013. But until then, keep believing and maybe Black Santa will point you to love too!
The gift of "New Girl" quotes...
Jess: "I'm gonna die alone and Merry Christmas!"
Schmidt, on being at the lesbians' party: "It's all wreaths, no trees!"
Nick: "I was born on the wrong side of the tracks! I've had tetanus thrice in my life!"
Jess: "Are they just going to play computer music all night?"
Jess, hitting windows: "Ah! I feel like a bird!"
Schmidt: "Think about it: Why would a good-looking person ever become a doctor?"
Sam: "If you are here, I'm sorry if this sounds a little rehearsed. This is the third room I've done this in."
Nick: "What happens in the sleigh is I'll be your reindeer... Take your toys in the sky! Sexy..."
Schmidt: "I don't celebrate Christmas. Or, as I like to call it, white Anglo-Saxon privilege night."
Winston: "Honey, we both know we have been unhappy for far too long. I am not just the vehicle you get to ride to Pleasure Town! Be gone, honkie! This is for your own good... Say goodbye to Paradise, honey!"
Angie: "Are you laughing at me?" Nick: "No... I'm laughing into me..."
Schmidt: "Love is stupid. It is a lie. So bah humbug to you, Cecelia! Bah humbug! Baaaaaaaahhhhh!"
Angie: "That's the stuff! That's... kind of the stuff..."
Angie: "Gum? Boobs?"